America's Finest Merchandise

  • The Onion Newspaper: Sept-Oct 2026 w/ Special 9/11 Reprint
    $9.99
  • Time Capsule: Vintage Newspaper 13-Pack
    $50.00
  • Time Capsule: Vintage Newspaper 3-Pack
    $20.00
  • 'Conceptual Genius Goes As Self For Halloween' Headline T-Shirt
    $29.00
  • 'Baby Shits Their Way Through 3rd Halloween Costume Of Night' Onesie
    $20.00
  • The Onion Logo T-Shirt
    $29.00
  • 'Tu Stultus Es Banner' Shirt
    $29.00
  • 'Mr. Autumn Man' T-Shirt
    $29.00
  • The Onion Logo Snapback Hat
    $30.00
  • The Onion Logo Magnetic Pin
    $5.00
  • The Onion Logo Keychain
    $10.00
  • America's Finest D20 Dice
    $5.00
  • Smoke 'Em If You Got 'Em 3-Pack
    $15.99
  • The Onion Headline Bandana
    $10.00
  • There Will Be Smells Apron
    $20.00
  • 'The Events Depicted In 'Star Wars' Headline T-Shirt
    $29.00