{"product_id":"learn-to-float","title":"Learn To Float","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cmeta charset=\"utf-8\"\u003e\u003cmeta charset=\"utf-8\"\u003eFloating is an age-old tradition that was practiced by our ancestors for thousands of years until authoritarians wiped it out in favor of obedience and the control system of technocratic overlords. Well now you can learn the ancient practice of floating once again.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eFloating has many benefits, it flushes spirits from your system, resets your mind and deep cleans your organs, just to name a few. Each Learn to Float kit comes with a rope, five rosewood coal briquettes, and an instruction DVD.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"The Onion Store","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":44878528380997,"sku":null,"price":129.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0016\/2014\/8291\/files\/Learn-To-Float-IG-1080x1350.jpg?v=1776295918","url":"https:\/\/store.theonion.com\/products\/learn-to-float","provider":"The Onion Store","version":"1.0","type":"link"}