{"title":"Newest Products","description":"","products":[{"product_id":"i-appreciate-the-muppets-onion-headline-t-shirt","title":"'I Appreciate The Muppets' Headline T-Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eThis t-shirt is everything you've dreamed of and more. It feels soft and lightweight, with the right amount of stretch. It's comfortable and flattering for both men and women. \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e• 100% combed and ring-spun cotton (Heather colors contain polyester)\u003cbr\u003e• Ash color is 99% combed and ring-spun cotton, 1% polyester\u003cbr\u003e• Heather colors are 52% combed and ring-spun cotton, 48% polyester\u003cbr\u003e• Athletic and Black Heather are 90% combed and ring-spun cotton, 10% polyester\u003cbr\u003e• Heather Prism colors are 99% combed and ring-spun cotton, 1% polyester\u003cbr\u003e• Fabric weight: 4.2 oz (142 g\/m2)\u003cbr\u003e• Pre-shrunk fabric\u003cbr\u003e• Side-seamed construction\u003cbr\u003e• Shoulder-to-shoulder taping\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003eSize Chart can be viewed\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003e\u003cspan data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cstrong class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003e\u003cspan data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003ca href=\"https:\/\/store.theonion.com\/pages\/size-chart\" rel=\"noopener\" target=\"_blank\"\u003ehere\u003c\/a\u003e.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"The Onion Store","offers":[{"title":"Heather Kelly Green \/ XS","offer_id":41712797909061,"sku":"","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Kelly Green \/ S","offer_id":41712819732549,"sku":"","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Kelly Green \/ M","offer_id":41712819765317,"sku":"","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Kelly Green \/ L","offer_id":41712819798085,"sku":"","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Kelly Green \/ XL","offer_id":41712819830853,"sku":"","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Kelly Green \/ 2XL","offer_id":41712819863621,"sku":"","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Kelly Green \/ 3XL","offer_id":41712819896389,"sku":"","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0016\/2014\/8291\/files\/I_Appreciate_Muppets_SHIRT_HeatherKelly.png?v=1723761579"},{"product_id":"jesus-is-my-health-insurance-onion-headline-t-shirt","title":"'Jesus Is My Health Insurance' Headline T-Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eThis t-shirt is everything you've dreamed of and more. It feels soft and lightweight, with the right amount of stretch. It's comfortable and flattering for both men and women. \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e• 100% combed and ring-spun cotton (Heather colors contain polyester)\u003cbr\u003e• Ash color is 99% combed and ring-spun cotton, 1% polyester\u003cbr\u003e• Heather colors are 52% combed and ring-spun cotton, 48% polyester\u003cbr\u003e• Athletic and Black Heather are 90% combed and ring-spun cotton, 10% polyester\u003cbr\u003e• Heather Prism colors are 99% combed and ring-spun cotton, 1% polyester\u003cbr\u003e• Fabric weight: 4.2 oz (142 g\/m2)\u003cbr\u003e• Pre-shrunk fabric\u003cbr\u003e• Shoulder-to-shoulder taping\u003cbr\u003e• Side-seamed\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003eSize Chart can be viewed\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cstrong class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003e\u003cspan data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003ca rel=\"noopener\" href=\"https:\/\/store.theonion.com\/pages\/size-chart\" target=\"_blank\"\u003ehere\u003c\/a\u003e.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cdiv data-unit-system=\"imperial\" class=\"table-responsive dynamic\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"The Onion Store","offers":[{"title":"Heather Charcoal \/ XS","offer_id":17247221547075,"sku":"9852024","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Charcoal \/ S","offer_id":17247221612611,"sku":"5377931","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Charcoal \/ M","offer_id":17247221710915,"sku":"6710913","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Charcoal \/ L","offer_id":17247221776451,"sku":"6016258","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Charcoal \/ XL","offer_id":17247221841987,"sku":"2506616","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Charcoal \/ 2XL","offer_id":17247221907523,"sku":"6009136","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Charcoal \/ 3XL","offer_id":17247221940291,"sku":"8324717","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0016\/2014\/8291\/files\/Jesus_Is_My_Health_SHIRT_HeatherCharcoal.png?v=1723761667"},{"product_id":"drugs-win-drug-war-onion-headline-t-shirt","title":"'Drugs Win Drug War' Headline T-Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eThis t-shirt is everything you've dreamed of and more. It feels soft and lightweight, with the right amount of stretch. It's comfortable and flattering for both men and women. \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e• 100% combed and ring-spun cotton (Heather colors contain polyester)\u003cbr\u003e• Ash color is 99% combed and ring-spun cotton, 1% polyester\u003cbr\u003e• Heather colors are 52% combed and ring-spun cotton, 48% polyester\u003cbr\u003e• Athletic and Black Heather are 90% combed and ring-spun cotton, 10% polyester\u003cbr\u003e• Heather Prism colors are 99% combed and ring-spun cotton, 1% polyester\u003cbr\u003e• Fabric weight: 4.2 oz (142 g\/m2)\u003cbr\u003e• Pre-shrunk fabric\u003cbr\u003e• Shoulder-to-shoulder taping\u003cbr\u003e• Side-seamed\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003eSize Chart can be viewed\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cstrong class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003e\u003cspan data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003ca rel=\"noopener\" href=\"https:\/\/store.theonion.com\/pages\/size-chart\" target=\"_blank\"\u003ehere\u003c\/a\u003e.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cdiv data-unit-system=\"imperial\" class=\"table-responsive dynamic\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"The Onion Store","offers":[{"title":"Heather Charcoal \/ XS","offer_id":17247276826691,"sku":"9346336","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Charcoal \/ S","offer_id":17247276859459,"sku":"3628176","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Charcoal \/ M","offer_id":17247276892227,"sku":"5948290","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Charcoal \/ L","offer_id":17247276924995,"sku":"7549303","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Charcoal \/ XL","offer_id":17247276957763,"sku":"6258592","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Charcoal \/ 2XL","offer_id":17247276990531,"sku":"1759906","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Charcoal \/ 3XL","offer_id":17247277023299,"sku":"9795397","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0016\/2014\/8291\/files\/Drugs_Win_Drug_War_SHIRT_HeatheCharcoal.png?v=1723761508"},{"product_id":"man-walks-on-moon-t-shirt","title":"'Man Walks On Moon' Front Page T-Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cmeta charset=\"utf-8\"\u003eThis t-shirt is everything you've dreamed of and more. It feels soft and lightweight, with the right amount of stretch. It's comfortable and flattering for all. \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e• 100% combed and ring-spun cotton (Heather colors contain polyester)\u003cbr\u003e• Ash color is 99% combed and ring-spun cotton, 1% polyester\u003cbr\u003e• Heather colors are 52% combed and ring-spun cotton, 48% polyester\u003cbr\u003e• Athletic and Black Heather are 90% combed and ring-spun cotton, 10% polyester\u003cbr\u003e• Heather Prism colors are 99% combed and ring-spun cotton, 1% polyester\u003cbr\u003e• Fabric weight: 4.2 oz (142 g\/m2)\u003cbr\u003e• Pre-shrunk fabric\u003cbr\u003e• Side-seamed construction\u003cbr\u003e• Shoulder-to-shoulder taping\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003eSize Chart can be viewed\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003e\u003cspan data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cstrong class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003e\u003cspan data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003ca href=\"https:\/\/store.theonion.com\/pages\/size-chart\" rel=\"noopener\" target=\"_blank\"\u003ehere\u003c\/a\u003e.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"The Onion Store","offers":[{"title":"Heather Grey \/ XS","offer_id":41741849231429,"sku":"","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Heather Grey \/ S","offer_id":31821784580165,"sku":"3221950_6948","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Grey \/ M","offer_id":31821784645701,"sku":"3221950_6949","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Grey \/ L","offer_id":31821784678469,"sku":"3221950_6950","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Grey \/ XL","offer_id":31821784711237,"sku":"3221950_6951","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Grey \/ 2XL","offer_id":31821784744005,"sku":"3221950_6952","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Grey \/ 3XL","offer_id":31821784776773,"sku":"3221950_6953","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0016\/2014\/8291\/files\/Holy_Shit_ODC_Folded_Shirt-HeatherGrey.png?v=1718327258"},{"product_id":"your-favorite-sports-team-onion-headline-t-shirt-1","title":"'The Sports Team From My Area' Onion Headline T-Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eThis t-shirt is everything you've dreamed of and more. It feels soft and lightweight, with the right amount of stretch. It's comfortable and flattering for both men and women. \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e• 100% combed and ring-spun cotton (Heather colors contain polyester)\u003cbr\u003e• Ash color is 99% combed and ring-spun cotton, 1% polyester\u003cbr\u003e• Heather colors are 52% combed and ring-spun cotton, 48% polyester\u003cbr\u003e• Athletic and Black Heather are 90% combed and ring-spun cotton, 10% polyester\u003cbr\u003e• Heather Prism colors are 99% combed and ring-spun cotton, 1% polyester\u003cbr\u003e• Fabric weight: 4.2 oz (142 g\/m2)\u003cbr\u003e• Pre-shrunk fabric\u003cbr\u003e• Shoulder-to-shoulder taping\u003cbr\u003e• Side-seamed\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003eSize Chart can be viewed\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cstrong class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003e\u003cspan data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003ca href=\"https:\/\/store.theonion.com\/pages\/size-chart\" rel=\"noopener\" target=\"_blank\"\u003ehere\u003c\/a\u003e.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThis light weight cotton t-shirt is soft with the perfect amount of stretch. It's comfortable and flattering on both men and women. The shirt has side-seams and shoulder-to-shoulder taping to ensure it keeps its shape.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"The Onion Store","offers":[{"title":"Heather Grey \/ XS","offer_id":17444065935427,"sku":"8094499","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Grey \/ S","offer_id":17444065968195,"sku":"5036963","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Grey \/ M","offer_id":17444066000963,"sku":"4708070","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Grey \/ L","offer_id":17444066066499,"sku":"6270926","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Grey \/ XL","offer_id":17444066132035,"sku":"1492404","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Grey \/ 2XL","offer_id":17444066164803,"sku":"3335211","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Grey \/ 3XL","offer_id":17444066197571,"sku":"7876305","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0016\/2014\/8291\/files\/The_Sports_Team_SHIRT_HeatherGrey.png?v=1723761573"},{"product_id":"jurisprudence-fetishist-onion-headline-t-shirt","title":"'Jurisprudence Fetishist' Headline T-Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eThis t-shirt is everything you've dreamed of and more. It feels soft and lightweight, with the right amount of stretch. It's comfortable and flattering for both men and women. \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e• 100% combed and ring-spun cotton (Heather colors contain polyester)\u003cbr\u003e• Ash color is 99% combed and ring-spun cotton, 1% polyester\u003cbr\u003e• Heather colors are 52% combed and ring-spun cotton, 48% polyester\u003cbr\u003e• Athletic and Black Heather are 90% combed and ring-spun cotton, 10% polyester\u003cbr\u003e• Heather Prism colors are 99% combed and ring-spun cotton, 1% polyester\u003cbr\u003e• Fabric weight: 4.2 oz (142 g\/m2)\u003cbr\u003e• Pre-shrunk fabric\u003cbr\u003e• Shoulder-to-shoulder taping\u003cbr\u003e• Side-seamed\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003eSize Chart can be viewed\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cstrong class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003e\u003cspan data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003ca rel=\"noopener\" href=\"https:\/\/store.theonion.com\/pages\/size-chart\" target=\"_blank\"\u003ehere\u003c\/a\u003e.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cdiv data-unit-system=\"imperial\" class=\"table-responsive dynamic\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"The Onion Store","offers":[{"title":"Heather Charcoal \/ XS","offer_id":18106430586947,"sku":"4443782","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Charcoal \/ S","offer_id":18106430619715,"sku":"1736885","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Charcoal \/ M","offer_id":18106430652483,"sku":"5450758","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Charcoal \/ L","offer_id":18106430685251,"sku":"3884524","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Charcoal \/ XL","offer_id":18106430718019,"sku":"6707860","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Charcoal \/ 2XL","offer_id":18106430750787,"sku":"6088910","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Charcoal \/ 3XL","offer_id":18106430783555,"sku":"7933020","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0016\/2014\/8291\/files\/Jurisprudence_Fetishist_SHIRT_HeatherCharcoal.png?v=1723761540"},{"product_id":"i-think-i-know-cpr-onion-headline-t-shirt","title":"'I Think I Know CPR' Onion Headline T-Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eThis t-shirt is everything you've dreamed of and more. It feels soft and lightweight, with the right amount of stretch. It's comfortable and flattering for all. \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e• 100% combed and ring-spun cotton (Heather colors contain polyester)\u003cbr\u003e• Ash color is 99% combed and ring-spun cotton, 1% polyester\u003cbr\u003e• Heather colors are 52% combed and ring-spun cotton, 48% polyester\u003cbr\u003e• Athletic and Black Heather are 90% combed and ring-spun cotton, 10% polyester\u003cbr\u003e• Heather Prism colors are 99% combed and ring-spun cotton, 1% polyester\u003cbr\u003e• Fabric weight: 4.2 oz (142 g\/m2)\u003cbr\u003e• Pre-shrunk fabric\u003cbr\u003e• Side-seamed construction\u003cbr\u003e• Shoulder-to-shoulder taping\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003e\u003cspan class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003eSize Chart can be viewed\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003e\u003cspan data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003ca href=\"https:\/\/store.theonion.com\/pages\/size-chart\" rel=\"noopener\" target=\"_blank\"\u003ehere\u003c\/a\u003e.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"The Onion Store","offers":[{"title":"XS \/ Heather Red","offer_id":18106881998915,"sku":"3268735","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"S \/ Heather Red","offer_id":18106882031683,"sku":"7561867","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M \/ Heather Red","offer_id":18106882064451,"sku":"4759625","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L \/ Heather Red","offer_id":18106882097219,"sku":"1296688","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL \/ Heather Red","offer_id":18106882129987,"sku":"9057045","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL \/ Heather Red","offer_id":18106882162755,"sku":"2213475","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"3XL \/ Heather Red","offer_id":18106882195523,"sku":"3164257","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0016\/2014\/8291\/files\/Stand_Back_CPR_HeatherRed.png?v=1723761500"},{"product_id":"apology-screamed-t-shirt","title":"'Apology Screamed' Headline T-Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eThis t-shirt is everything you've dreamed of and more. It feels soft and lightweight, with the right amount of stretch. It's comfortable and flattering for both men and women. \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e• 100% combed and ring-spun cotton (Heather colors contain polyester)\u003cbr\u003e• Ash color is 99% combed and ring-spun cotton, 1% polyester\u003cbr\u003e• Heather colors are 52% combed and ring-spun cotton, 48% polyester\u003cbr\u003e• Athletic and Black Heather are 90% combed and ring-spun cotton, 10% polyester\u003cbr\u003e• Heather Prism colors are 99% combed and ring-spun cotton, 1% polyester\u003cbr\u003e• Fabric weight: 4.2 oz (142 g\/m2)\u003cbr\u003e• Pre-shrunk fabric\u003cbr\u003e• Shoulder-to-shoulder taping\u003cbr\u003e• Side-seamed\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003eSize Chart can be viewed\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cstrong class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003e\u003cspan data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003ca rel=\"noopener\" href=\"https:\/\/store.theonion.com\/pages\/size-chart\" target=\"_blank\"\u003ehere\u003c\/a\u003e.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cdiv data-unit-system=\"imperial\" class=\"table-responsive dynamic\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"The Onion Store","offers":[{"title":"Heather Red \/ XS","offer_id":31048619589701,"sku":"4922218","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Red \/ S","offer_id":31048619655237,"sku":"7719759","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Red \/ M","offer_id":31048619720773,"sku":"2508140","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Red \/ L","offer_id":31048619786309,"sku":"4599231","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Red \/ XL","offer_id":31048619851845,"sku":"2883315","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Red \/ 2XL","offer_id":31048619917381,"sku":"4302773","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Red \/ 3XL","offer_id":31048619982917,"sku":"6196143","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0016\/2014\/8291\/files\/Apology_Screamed_SHIRT_HeatherRed.png?v=1723761569"},{"product_id":"worlds-largest-metaphor-onion-front-page-t-shirt","title":"'World's Largest Metaphor' Front Page T-Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cmeta charset=\"utf-8\"\u003eThis t-shirt is everything you've dreamed of and more. It feels soft and lightweight, with the right amount of stretch. It's comfortable and flattering for all. \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e• 100% combed and ring-spun cotton (Heather colors contain polyester)\u003cbr\u003e• Ash color is 99% combed and ring-spun cotton, 1% polyester\u003cbr\u003e• Heather colors are 52% combed and ring-spun cotton, 48% polyester\u003cbr\u003e• Athletic and Black Heather are 90% combed and ring-spun cotton, 10% polyester\u003cbr\u003e• Heather Prism colors are 99% combed and ring-spun cotton, 1% polyester\u003cbr\u003e• Fabric weight: 4.2 oz (142 g\/m2)\u003cbr\u003e• Pre-shrunk fabric\u003cbr\u003e• Side-seamed construction\u003cbr\u003e• Shoulder-to-shoulder taping\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003e\u003cspan class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003eSize Chart can be viewed\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003e\u003cspan data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003ca href=\"https:\/\/store.theonion.com\/pages\/size-chart\" rel=\"noopener\" data-mce-href=\"https:\/\/store.theonion.com\/pages\/size-chart\" target=\"_blank\"\u003ehere\u003c\/a\u003e.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"table-responsive dynamic\" data-unit-system=\"imperial\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"The Onion Store","offers":[{"title":"Heather Grey \/ XS","offer_id":41741850116165,"sku":"","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Grey \/ S","offer_id":31051577786437,"sku":"9764319","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Grey \/ M","offer_id":31051577819205,"sku":"2914432","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Grey \/ L","offer_id":31051577851973,"sku":"6558615","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Grey \/ XL","offer_id":31051577884741,"sku":"6428493","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Grey \/ 2XL","offer_id":31051577917509,"sku":"8257095","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Grey \/ 3XL","offer_id":31051577950277,"sku":"5877794","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0016\/2014\/8291\/files\/Worlds_Largest_ODC_Folded_Shirt-HeatherGrey.png?v=1718327299"},{"product_id":"americas-favorite-canvas-tote-bag","title":"America's Favorite Canvas Tote Bag","description":"\u003cp class=\"p1\"\u003eOur cotton canvas heavyweight tote bag is roomy (14 ¾” x 14 ¾”) with a reinforced square bottom that'll hold whatever you need to carry and 22\" handles.\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003eSize guide\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"table-responsive dynamic\" data-unit-system=\"imperial\"\u003e\n\u003ctable cellpadding=\"5\"\u003e\n\u003ctbody\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e \u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eONE SIZE\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eBag width (inches)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e16\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eBag height (inches)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e14 ½\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eBag depth (inches)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e5\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eStrap length (inches)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e24 1\/2\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eStrap width (inches)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e1\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003c\/tbody\u003e\n\u003c\/table\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"The Onion Store","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":31218718015557,"sku":"5901396_10458","price":25.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0016\/2014\/8291\/products\/mockup-2f48f36d.jpg?v=1581723417"},{"product_id":"coworkers-agog-as-employee-introduces-new-shirt-into-rotation-onion-headline-t-shirt","title":"Coworkers Agog As Employee Introduces New Shirt Into Rotation Onion Headline T-Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eThis t-shirt is everything you've dreamed of and more. It feels soft and lightweight, with the right amount of stretch. It's comfortable and flattering for both men and women. \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e• 100% combed and ring-spun cotton (Heather colors contain polyester)\u003cbr\u003e• Ash color is 99% combed and ring-spun cotton, 1% polyester\u003cbr\u003e• Heather colors are 52% combed and ring-spun cotton, 48% polyester\u003cbr\u003e• Athletic and Black Heather are 90% combed and ring-spun cotton, 10% polyester\u003cbr\u003e• Heather Prism colors are 99% combed and ring-spun cotton, 1% polyester\u003cbr\u003e• Fabric weight: 4.2 oz (142 g\/m2)\u003cbr\u003e• Pre-shrunk fabric\u003cbr\u003e• Shoulder-to-shoulder taping\u003cbr\u003e• Side-seamed\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003eSize Chart can be viewed\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cstrong class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003e\u003cspan data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003ca rel=\"noopener\" href=\"https:\/\/store.theonion.com\/pages\/size-chart\" target=\"_blank\"\u003ehere\u003c\/a\u003e.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cdiv data-unit-system=\"imperial\" class=\"table-responsive dynamic\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"table-responsive dynamic\" data-unit-system=\"imperial\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"The Onion Store","offers":[{"title":"Heather Denim \/ XS","offer_id":41718114484293,"sku":"","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Heather Denim \/ S","offer_id":31242868719685,"sku":"5860239_4016","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Denim \/ M","offer_id":31242868752453,"sku":"5860239_4017","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Denim \/ L","offer_id":31242868785221,"sku":"5860239_4018","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Denim \/ XL","offer_id":31242868817989,"sku":"5860239_4019","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Denim \/ 2XL","offer_id":31242868850757,"sku":"5860239_4020","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Denim \/ 3XL","offer_id":31242868883525,"sku":"5860239_5295","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0016\/2014\/8291\/files\/Coworkers_Agog_SHIRT_HeatherDenim.png?v=1723761711"},{"product_id":"history-sighs-repeats-itself-onion-headline-t-shirt-1","title":"'History Sighs, Repeats Itself' Headline T-Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eThis t-shirt is everything you've dreamed of and more. It feels soft and lightweight, with the right amount of stretch. It's comfortable and flattering for both men and women. \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e• 100% combed and ring-spun cotton (Heather colors contain polyester)\u003cbr\u003e• Ash color is 99% combed and ring-spun cotton, 1% polyester\u003cbr\u003e• Heather colors are 52% combed and ring-spun cotton, 48% polyester\u003cbr\u003e• Athletic and Black Heather are 90% combed and ring-spun cotton, 10% polyester\u003cbr\u003e• Heather Prism colors are 99% combed and ring-spun cotton, 1% polyester\u003cbr\u003e• Fabric weight: 4.2 oz (142 g\/m2)\u003cbr\u003e• Pre-shrunk fabric\u003cbr\u003e• Shoulder-to-shoulder taping\u003cbr\u003e• Side-seamed\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003eSize Chart can be viewed\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cstrong class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003e\u003cspan data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003ca href=\"https:\/\/store.theonion.com\/pages\/size-chart\" rel=\"noopener\" target=\"_blank\"\u003ehere\u003c\/a\u003e.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cdiv data-unit-system=\"imperial\" class=\"table-responsive dynamic\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"notranslate\" style=\"all: initial;\" data-mce-style=\"all: initial;\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"notranslate\" style=\"all: initial;\" data-mce-style=\"all: initial;\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"The Onion Store","offers":[{"title":"Heather Grey \/ XS","offer_id":31521578549317,"sku":"5114746_9527","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Grey \/ S","offer_id":31521578582085,"sku":"5114746_4016","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Grey \/ M","offer_id":31521578614853,"sku":"5114746_4017","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Grey \/ L","offer_id":31521578647621,"sku":"5114746_4018","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Grey \/ XL","offer_id":31521578680389,"sku":"5114746_4019","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Grey \/ 2XL","offer_id":31521578713157,"sku":"5114746_4020","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Grey \/ 3XL","offer_id":41718057500741,"sku":"","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0016\/2014\/8291\/files\/History_Sighs_SHIRT_HeatherGrey.png?v=1723761647"},{"product_id":"area-woman-headline-t-shirt","title":"'Area Woman' Headline T-Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eThis t-shirt is everything you've dreamed of and more. It feels soft and lightweight, with the right amount of stretch. It's comfortable and flattering for both men and women. \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e• 100% combed and ring-spun cotton (Heather colors contain polyester)\u003cbr\u003e• Ash color is 99% combed and ring-spun cotton, 1% polyester\u003cbr\u003e• Heather colors are 52% combed and ring-spun cotton, 48% polyester\u003cbr\u003e• Athletic and Black Heather are 90% combed and ring-spun cotton, 10% polyester\u003cbr\u003e• Heather Prism colors are 99% combed and ring-spun cotton, 1% polyester\u003cbr\u003e• Fabric weight: 4.2 oz (142 g\/m2)\u003cbr\u003e• Pre-shrunk fabric\u003cbr\u003e• Shoulder-to-shoulder taping\u003cbr\u003e• Side-seamed\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003e\u003cspan class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003eSize Chart can be viewed\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003ca rel=\"noopener\" href=\"https:\/\/store.theonion.com\/pages\/size-chart\" target=\"_blank\"\u003ehere\u003c\/a\u003e.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"table-responsive dynamic\" data-unit-system=\"imperial\"\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"The Onion Store","offers":[{"title":"Teal \/ XS","offer_id":41718140665925,"sku":"","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Teal \/ S","offer_id":31586875736133,"sku":"2478580_4016","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Teal \/ M","offer_id":31586875768901,"sku":"2478580_4017","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Teal \/ L","offer_id":31586875801669,"sku":"2478580_4018","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Teal \/ XL","offer_id":31586875834437,"sku":"2478580_4019","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Teal \/ 2XL","offer_id":31586875867205,"sku":"2478580_4020","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Teal \/ 3XL","offer_id":31586875899973,"sku":"2478580_5295","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0016\/2014\/8291\/files\/Area_Woman_SHIRT_Teal.png?v=1723761693"},{"product_id":"area-man-headline-t-shirt","title":"'Area Man' Headline T-Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eThis t-shirt is everything you've dreamed of and more. It feels soft and lightweight, with the right amount of stretch. It's comfortable and flattering for both men and women. \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e• 100% combed and ring-spun cotton (Heather colors contain polyester)\u003cbr\u003e• Ash color is 99% combed and ring-spun cotton, 1% polyester\u003cbr\u003e• Heather colors are 52% combed and ring-spun cotton, 48% polyester\u003cbr\u003e• Athletic and Black Heather are 90% combed and ring-spun cotton, 10% polyester\u003cbr\u003e• Heather Prism colors are 99% combed and ring-spun cotton, 1% polyester\u003cbr\u003e• Fabric weight: 4.2 oz (142 g\/m2)\u003cbr\u003e• Pre-shrunk fabric\u003cbr\u003e• Shoulder-to-shoulder taping\u003cbr\u003e• Side-seamed\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003e\u003cspan class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003eSize Chart can be viewed\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cstrong class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003e\u003cspan data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003ca rel=\"noopener\" href=\"https:\/\/store.theonion.com\/pages\/size-chart\" target=\"_blank\"\u003ehere\u003c\/a\u003e.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cdiv data-unit-system=\"imperial\" class=\"table-responsive dynamic\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"The Onion Store","offers":[{"title":"Heather Royal \/ XS","offer_id":41718112452677,"sku":"","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Heather Royal \/ S","offer_id":31587018473541,"sku":"9323161_4016","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Royal \/ M","offer_id":31587018506309,"sku":"9323161_4017","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Royal \/ L","offer_id":31587018539077,"sku":"9323161_4018","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Royal \/ XL","offer_id":31587018571845,"sku":"9323161_4019","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Royal \/ 2XL","offer_id":31587018604613,"sku":"9323161_4020","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Royal \/ 3XL","offer_id":31587018637381,"sku":"9323161_5295","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0016\/2014\/8291\/files\/Area_Man_SHIRT_HeatherRoyal.png?v=1723761599"},{"product_id":"the-onions-logo-crewneck-unisex-sweatshirt","title":"'The Onion' Classic Logo Sweatshirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eA sturdy and warm sweatshirt bound to keep you warm in the colder months. A pre-shrunk, classic fit sweater that's made with air-jet spun yarn for a soft feel and reduced pilling.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e• 50% cotton, 50% polyester\u003cbr\u003e• Pre-shrunk\u003cbr\u003e• Classic fit with no center crease\u003cbr\u003e• 1x1 athletic rib knit collar with spandex\u003cbr\u003e• Air-jet spun yarn with a soft feel and reduced pilling\u003cbr\u003e• Double-needle stitched collar, shoulders, armholes, cuffs, and hem\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003eSize Chart can be viewed\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cstrong class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003e\u003cspan data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003ca rel=\"noopener\" href=\"https:\/\/store.theonion.com\/pages\/size-chart\" target=\"_blank\"\u003ehere\u003c\/a\u003e.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cstrong class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"table-responsive dynamic\" data-unit-system=\"imperial\"\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"The Onion Store","offers":[{"title":"Black \/ S","offer_id":31808794558533,"sku":"6872735_5434","price":35.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ M","offer_id":31808794591301,"sku":"6872735_5435","price":35.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ L","offer_id":31808794624069,"sku":"6872735_5436","price":35.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":31808794656837,"sku":"6872735_5437","price":35.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":31808794689605,"sku":"6872735_5438","price":35.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":31808794722373,"sku":"6872735_5439","price":35.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":31808794755141,"sku":"6872735_5440","price":35.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 5XL","offer_id":31808794787909,"sku":"6872735_5441","price":35.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0016\/2014\/8291\/products\/mockup-3b5191b6.jpg?v=1598406431"},{"product_id":"like-hell-were-all-in-this-together-headline-t-shirt","title":"'Like Hell We're All In This Together' Headline T-Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eThis t-shirt is everything you've dreamed of and more. It feels soft and lightweight, with the right amount of stretch. It's comfortable and flattering for both men and women. \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e• 100% combed and ring-spun cotton (Heather colors contain polyester)\u003cbr\u003e• Ash color is 99% combed and ring-spun cotton, 1% polyester\u003cbr\u003e• Heather colors are 52% combed and ring-spun cotton, 48% polyester\u003cbr\u003e• Athletic and Black Heather are 90% combed and ring-spun cotton, 10% polyester\u003cbr\u003e• Heather Prism colors are 99% combed and ring-spun cotton, 1% polyester\u003cbr\u003e• Fabric weight: 4.2 oz (142 g\/m2)\u003cbr\u003e• Pre-shrunk fabric\u003cbr\u003e• Shoulder-to-shoulder taping\u003cbr\u003e• Side-seamed\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003eSize Chart can be viewed\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cstrong class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003e\u003cspan data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003ca href=\"https:\/\/store.theonion.com\/pages\/size-chart\" rel=\"noopener\" target=\"_blank\"\u003ehere\u003c\/a\u003e.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cstrong class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cdiv data-unit-system=\"imperial\" class=\"table-responsive dynamic\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"notranslate\" style=\"all: initial;\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"The Onion Store","offers":[{"title":"Heather Burgundy \/ XS","offer_id":31898500825157,"sku":"4950012_9527","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Burgundy \/ S","offer_id":31898500857925,"sku":"4950012_4016","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Burgundy \/ M","offer_id":31898500890693,"sku":"4950012_4017","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Burgundy \/ L","offer_id":31898500923461,"sku":"4950012_4018","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Burgundy \/ XL","offer_id":31898500956229,"sku":"4950012_4019","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Burgundy \/ 2XL","offer_id":31898500988997,"sku":"4950012_4020","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Burgundy \/ 3XL","offer_id":31898501021765,"sku":"4950012_5295","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0016\/2014\/8291\/files\/Like_Hell_SHIRT_HeatherBurgundy_d87bb1e3-4153-464e-8c83-6048f69522b1.png?v=1723936761"},{"product_id":"artist-overappreciated-headline-t-shirt","title":"Artist Overappreciated Headline T-Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eThis t-shirt is everything you've dreamed of and more. It feels soft and lightweight, with the right amount of stretch. It's comfortable and flattering for both men and women. \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e• 100% combed and ring-spun cotton (Heather colors contain polyester)\u003cbr\u003e• Ash color is 99% combed and ring-spun cotton, 1% polyester\u003cbr\u003e• Heather colors are 52% combed and ring-spun cotton, 48% polyester\u003cbr\u003e• Athletic and Black Heather are 90% combed and ring-spun cotton, 10% polyester\u003cbr\u003e• Heather Prism colors are 99% combed and ring-spun cotton, 1% polyester\u003cbr\u003e• Fabric weight: 4.2 oz (142 g\/m2)\u003cbr\u003e• Pre-shrunk fabric\u003cbr\u003e• Shoulder-to-shoulder taping\u003cbr\u003e• Side-seamed\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003e\u003cspan class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003eSize Chart can be viewed\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003ca rel=\"noopener\" href=\"https:\/\/store.theonion.com\/pages\/size-chart\" target=\"_blank\"\u003ehere\u003c\/a\u003e.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"table-responsive dynamic\" data-unit-system=\"imperial\"\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"The Onion Store","offers":[{"title":"Heather Kelly \/ XS","offer_id":31898506100805,"sku":"4991734_9527","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Kelly \/ S","offer_id":31898506133573,"sku":"4991734_4016","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Kelly \/ M","offer_id":31898506166341,"sku":"4991734_4017","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Kelly \/ L","offer_id":31898506199109,"sku":"4991734_4018","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Kelly \/ XL","offer_id":31898506231877,"sku":"4991734_4019","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Kelly \/ 2XL","offer_id":31898506264645,"sku":"4991734_4020","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Kelly \/ 3XL","offer_id":31898506297413,"sku":"4991734_5295","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0016\/2014\/8291\/files\/Artist_Overappreciated_SHIRT_HeatherKelly.png?v=1723761657"},{"product_id":"awesome-onion-headline-t-shirt","title":"'Awesome!' Front Page T-Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eThis t-shirt is everything you've dreamed of and more. It feels soft and lightweight, with the right amount of stretch. It's comfortable and flattering for both men and women. \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e• 100% combed and ring-spun cotton (Heather colors contain polyester)\u003cbr\u003e• Ash color is 99% combed and ring-spun cotton, 1% polyester\u003cbr\u003e• Heather colors are 52% combed and ring-spun cotton, 48% polyester\u003cbr\u003e• Athletic and Black Heather are 90% combed and ring-spun cotton, 10% polyester\u003cbr\u003e• Heather Prism colors are 99% combed and ring-spun cotton, 1% polyester\u003cbr\u003e• Fabric weight: 4.2 oz (142 g\/m2)\u003cbr\u003e• Pre-shrunk fabric\u003cbr\u003e• Shoulder-to-shoulder taping\u003cbr\u003e• Side-seamed\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cmeta charset=\"utf-8\"\u003e\u003cspan class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003eSize Chart can be viewed\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003e\u003cspan data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cstrong class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003e\u003cspan data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003ca href=\"https:\/\/store.theonion.com\/pages\/size-chart\" rel=\"noopener\" target=\"_blank\"\u003ehere\u003c\/a\u003e.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"The Onion Store","offers":[{"title":"Heather Grey \/ XS","offer_id":41741849755717,"sku":"","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Heather Grey \/ S","offer_id":31962613186629,"sku":"7737502_6948","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Grey \/ M","offer_id":31962613219397,"sku":"7737502_6949","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Grey \/ L","offer_id":31962613252165,"sku":"7737502_6950","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Grey \/ XL","offer_id":31962613284933,"sku":"7737502_6951","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Grey \/ 2XL","offer_id":31962613317701,"sku":"7737502_6952","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Grey \/ 3XL","offer_id":31962613350469,"sku":"7737502_6953","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0016\/2014\/8291\/files\/Awesome_ODC_Folded_Shirt-HeatherGrey.png?v=1718327224"},{"product_id":"sickos-unisex-t-shirt","title":"'Sickos' T-Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eThis t-shirt is everything you've dreamed of and more. It feels soft and lightweight, with the right amount of stretch. It's comfortable and flattering for both men and women. \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e• 100% combed and ring-spun cotton (Heather colors contain polyester)\u003cbr\u003e• Ash color is 99% combed and ring-spun cotton, 1% polyester\u003cbr\u003e• Heather colors are 52% combed and ring-spun cotton, 48% polyester\u003cbr\u003e• Athletic and Black Heather are 90% combed and ring-spun cotton, 10% polyester\u003cbr\u003e• Heather Prism colors are 99% combed and ring-spun cotton, 1% polyester\u003cbr\u003e• Fabric weight: 4.2 oz (142 g\/m2)\u003cbr\u003e• Pre-shrunk fabric\u003cbr\u003e• Shoulder-to-shoulder taping\u003cbr\u003e• Side-seamed\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003e\u003cspan class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003eSize Chart can be viewed\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003e\u003cspan data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003ca href=\"https:\/\/store.theonion.com\/pages\/size-chart\" rel=\"noopener\" target=\"_blank\"\u003ehere\u003c\/a\u003e.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"table-responsive dynamic\" data-unit-system=\"imperial\"\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"The Onion Store","offers":[{"title":"Heather Black \/ XS","offer_id":41718079225925,"sku":"","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Heather Black \/ S","offer_id":31965154738245,"sku":"1134540_4016","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Black \/ M","offer_id":31965154771013,"sku":"1134540_4017","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Black \/ L","offer_id":31965154803781,"sku":"1134540_4018","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Black \/ XL","offer_id":31965154836549,"sku":"1134540_4019","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":31965154869317,"sku":"1134540_4020","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":31965154902085,"sku":"1134540_5295","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0016\/2014\/8291\/files\/Sickos_Text_SHIRT-HeatherBlack.png?v=1718702703"},{"product_id":"short-sleeve-unisex-t-shirt-5","title":"'Good Cop, Bad Cop Onion' Headline T-Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cmeta charset=\"utf-8\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThis t-shirt is everything you've dreamed of and more. It feels soft and lightweight, with the right amount of stretch. It's comfortable and flattering for both men and women.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cspan\u003e• 100% combed and ring-spun cotton (Heather colors contain polyester)\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cspan\u003e• Ash color is 99% combed and ring-spun cotton, 1% polyester\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cspan\u003e• Heather colors are 52% combed and ring-spun cotton, 48% polyester\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cspan\u003e• Athletic and Black Heather are 90% combed and ring-spun cotton, 10% polyester\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cspan\u003e• Heather Prism colors are 99% combed and ring-spun cotton, 1% polyester\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cspan\u003e• Fabric weight: 4.2 oz (142 g\/m2)\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cspan\u003e• Pre-shrunk fabric\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cspan\u003e• Shoulder-to-shoulder taping\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cspan\u003e• Side-seamed\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cspan class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003eSize Chart can be viewed\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cstrong class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003e\u003cspan data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003ca rel=\"noopener\" href=\"https:\/\/store.theonion.com\/pages\/size-chart\" target=\"_blank\"\u003ehere\u003c\/a\u003e.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cstrong class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cdiv style=\"all: initial;\" class=\"notranslate\" data-mce-style=\"all: initial;\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"The Onion Store","offers":[{"title":"Heather Charcoal \/ XS","offer_id":39271212712005,"sku":"1787550_9527","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Charcoal \/ S","offer_id":39271212744773,"sku":"1787550_4016","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Charcoal \/ M","offer_id":39271212777541,"sku":"1787550_4017","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Charcoal \/ L","offer_id":39271212810309,"sku":"1787550_4018","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Charcoal \/ XL","offer_id":39271212843077,"sku":"1787550_4019","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Charcoal \/ 2XL","offer_id":39271212875845,"sku":"1787550_4020","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Charcoal \/ 3XL","offer_id":39271212908613,"sku":"1787550_5295","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0016\/2014\/8291\/files\/Good_Cop_Bad_Cop_SHIRT_HeatherCharcoal.png?v=1723761512"},{"product_id":"vintage-masthead-t-shirt","title":"'1955 Vintage Masthead' T-Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eThis t-shirt is everything you've dreamed of and more. It feels soft and lightweight, with the right amount of stretch. It's comfortable and flattering for both men and women. \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e• 100% combed and ring-spun cotton (Heather colors contain polyester)\u003cbr\u003e• Ash color is 99% combed and ring-spun cotton, 1% polyester\u003cbr\u003e• Heather colors are 52% combed and ring-spun cotton, 48% polyester\u003cbr\u003e• Athletic and Black Heather are 90% combed and ring-spun cotton, 10% polyester\u003cbr\u003e• Heather Prism colors are 99% combed and ring-spun cotton, 1% polyester\u003cbr\u003e• Fabric weight: 4.2 oz (142 g\/m2)\u003cbr\u003e• Pre-shrunk fabric\u003cbr\u003e• Side-seamed construction\u003cbr\u003e• Shoulder-to-shoulder taping\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003eSize Chart can be viewed\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003e\u003cspan data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cstrong class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003e\u003cspan data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003ca href=\"https:\/\/store.theonion.com\/pages\/size-chart\" rel=\"noopener\" target=\"_blank\"\u003ehere\u003c\/a\u003e.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cdiv data-unit-system=\"imperial\" class=\"table-responsive dynamic\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"The Onion Store","offers":[{"title":"Heather Grey \/ XS","offer_id":41718106685509,"sku":"","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Heather Grey \/ S","offer_id":39316797882437,"sku":"1870015_6948","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Grey \/ M","offer_id":39316797915205,"sku":"1870015_6949","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Grey \/ L","offer_id":39316797947973,"sku":"1870015_6950","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Grey \/ XL","offer_id":39316797980741,"sku":"1870015_6951","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Grey \/ 2XL","offer_id":39316798013509,"sku":"1870015_6952","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Grey \/ 3XL","offer_id":39316798046277,"sku":"1870015_6953","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0016\/2014\/8291\/files\/1955-Vintage_Masthead_Folded-HeatherGrey.png?v=1718327214"},{"product_id":"lady-liberty-patriotic-joy-t-shirt","title":"'Lady Liberty: Patriotic Joy' T-Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eThis t-shirt is everything you've dreamed of and more. It feels soft and lightweight, with the right amount of stretch. It's comfortable and flattering for both men and women. \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e• 100% combed and ring-spun cotton (Heather colors contain polyester)\u003cbr\u003e• Ash color is 99% combed and ring-spun cotton, 1% polyester\u003cbr\u003e• Heather colors are 52% combed and ring-spun cotton, 48% polyester\u003cbr\u003e• Athletic and Black Heather are 90% combed and ring-spun cotton, 10% polyester\u003cbr\u003e• Heather Prism colors are 99% combed and ring-spun cotton, 1% polyester\u003cbr\u003e• Fabric weight: 4.2 oz (142 g\/m2)\u003cbr\u003e• Pre-shrunk fabric\u003cbr\u003e• Side-seamed construction\u003cbr\u003e• Shoulder-to-shoulder taping\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003e\u003cspan class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003eSize Chart can be viewed\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003e\u003cspan data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003ca href=\"https:\/\/store.theonion.com\/pages\/size-chart\" rel=\"noopener\" target=\"_blank\"\u003ehere\u003c\/a\u003e.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"table-responsive dynamic\" data-unit-system=\"imperial\"\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"The Onion Store","offers":[{"title":"Heather Black \/ XS","offer_id":39316901986373,"sku":"9835327_9527","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Black \/ S","offer_id":39316902019141,"sku":"9835327_4016","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Black \/ M","offer_id":39316902051909,"sku":"9835327_4017","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Black \/ L","offer_id":39316902084677,"sku":"9835327_4018","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Black \/ XL","offer_id":39316902117445,"sku":"9835327_4019","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":39316902150213,"sku":"9835327_4020","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":39316902182981,"sku":"9835327_5295","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0016\/2014\/8291\/files\/Lady_Liberty_Joy_SHIRT-HeatherBlack.png?v=1718702666"},{"product_id":"lady-liberty-patriotic-panic-t-shirt","title":"'Lady Liberty: Patriotic Panic' T-Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eThis t-shirt is everything you've dreamed of and more. It feels soft and lightweight, with the right amount of stretch. It's comfortable and flattering for both men and women. \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e• 100% combed and ring-spun cotton (Heather colors contain polyester)\u003cbr\u003e• Ash color is 99% combed and ring-spun cotton, 1% polyester\u003cbr\u003e• Heather colors are 52% combed and ring-spun cotton, 48% polyester\u003cbr\u003e• Athletic and Black Heather are 90% combed and ring-spun cotton, 10% polyester\u003cbr\u003e• Heather Prism colors are 99% combed and ring-spun cotton, 1% polyester\u003cbr\u003e• Fabric weight: 4.2 oz (142 g\/m2)\u003cbr\u003e• Pre-shrunk fabric\u003cbr\u003e• Side-seamed construction\u003cbr\u003e• Shoulder-to-shoulder taping\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003e\u003cspan class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003eSize Chart can be viewed\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003e\u003cspan data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003ca href=\"https:\/\/store.theonion.com\/pages\/size-chart\" rel=\"noopener\" target=\"_blank\"\u003ehere\u003c\/a\u003e.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"table-responsive dynamic\" data-unit-system=\"imperial\"\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"The Onion Store","offers":[{"title":"Heather Black \/ XS","offer_id":39317070872645,"sku":"9754670_9527","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Black \/ S","offer_id":39317070905413,"sku":"9754670_4016","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Black \/ M","offer_id":39317070938181,"sku":"9754670_4017","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Black \/ L","offer_id":39317070970949,"sku":"9754670_4018","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Black \/ XL","offer_id":39317071003717,"sku":"9754670_4019","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":39317071036485,"sku":"9754670_4020","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":39317071069253,"sku":"9754670_5295","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0016\/2014\/8291\/files\/Lady_Liberty_Panic_SHIRT-HeatherBlack.png?v=1718702685"},{"product_id":"it-only-tuesday-headline-t-shirt","title":"'It Only Tuesday' Headline T-Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eThis t-shirt is everything you've dreamed of and more. It feels soft and lightweight, with the right amount of stretch. It's comfortable and flattering for both men and women. \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e• 100% combed and ring-spun cotton (Heather colors contain polyester)\u003cbr\u003e• Ash color is 99% combed and ring-spun cotton, 1% polyester\u003cbr\u003e• Heather colors are 52% combed and ring-spun cotton, 48% polyester\u003cbr\u003e• Athletic and Black Heather are 90% combed and ring-spun cotton, 10% polyester\u003cbr\u003e• Heather Prism colors are 99% combed and ring-spun cotton, 1% polyester\u003cbr\u003e• Fabric weight: 4.2 oz (142 g\/m2)\u003cbr\u003e• Pre-shrunk fabric\u003cbr\u003e• Side-seamed construction\u003cbr\u003e• Shoulder-to-shoulder taping\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003eSize Chart can be viewed\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cstrong class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003e\u003cspan data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003ca href=\"https:\/\/store.theonion.com\/pages\/size-chart\" rel=\"noopener\" target=\"_blank\"\u003ehere\u003c\/a\u003e.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cstrong class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cdiv data-unit-system=\"imperial\" class=\"table-responsive dynamic\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"notranslate\" style=\"all: initial;\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"The Onion Store","offers":[{"title":"Heather Denim \/ XS","offer_id":39317465497669,"sku":"2293915_9527","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Denim \/ S","offer_id":39317465530437,"sku":"2293915_4016","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Denim \/ M","offer_id":39317465563205,"sku":"2293915_4017","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Denim \/ L","offer_id":39317465595973,"sku":"2293915_4018","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Denim \/ XL","offer_id":39317465628741,"sku":"2293915_4019","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Denim \/ 2XL","offer_id":39317465661509,"sku":"2293915_4020","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Denim \/ 3XL","offer_id":39317465694277,"sku":"2293915_5295","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0016\/2014\/8291\/files\/It_Only_Tuesday_SHIRT_HeatherDenim.png?v=1723761627"},{"product_id":"the-events-depicted-in-star-wars-headline-t-shirt","title":"'The Events Depicted In 'Star Wars' Headline T-Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eThis t-shirt is everything you've dreamed of and more. It feels soft and lightweight, with the right amount of stretch. It's comfortable and flattering for all. \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e• 100% combed and ring-spun cotton (Heather colors contain polyester)\u003cbr\u003e• Ash color is 99% combed and ring-spun cotton, 1% polyester\u003cbr\u003e• Heather colors are 52% combed and ring-spun cotton, 48% polyester\u003cbr\u003e• Athletic and Black Heather are 90% combed and ring-spun cotton, 10% polyester\u003cbr\u003e• Heather Prism colors are 99% combed and ring-spun cotton, 1% polyester\u003cbr\u003e• Fabric weight: 4.2 oz (142 g\/m2)\u003cbr\u003e• Pre-shrunk fabric\u003cbr\u003e• Side-seamed construction\u003cbr\u003e• Shoulder-to-shoulder taping\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003e\u003cspan class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003eSize Chart can be viewed\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003e\u003cspan data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003ca href=\"https:\/\/store.theonion.com\/pages\/size-chart\" rel=\"noopener\" target=\"_blank\"\u003ehere\u003c\/a\u003e.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"The Onion Store","offers":[{"title":"XS \/ Heather Denim","offer_id":39328255082565,"sku":"9968523_9527","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"S \/ Heather Denim","offer_id":39328255344709,"sku":"9968523_8451","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M \/ Heather Denim","offer_id":39328255377477,"sku":"9968523_8452","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L \/ Heather Denim","offer_id":39328255410245,"sku":"9968523_8453","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL \/ Heather Denim","offer_id":39328255475781,"sku":"9968523_8454","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL \/ Heather Denim","offer_id":39328255508549,"sku":"9968523_8455","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"3XL \/ Heather Denim","offer_id":39328255541317,"sku":"9968523_8456","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0016\/2014\/8291\/files\/The_Events_Star_Wars_SHIRT_HeatherDenim.png?v=1723761561"},{"product_id":"shit-factory-onion-headline-baby-onesie","title":"'Shit Factory' Onion Headline Baby Onesie","description":"Dress your baby like a little Area Person with this 100% cotton one piece. It has three snap leg closure for easy changing, a comfortable envelope neckline, and a beautiful print that's bound to get the baby all happy and giggling.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\n• 100% ring-spun combed cotton\u003cbr\u003e\n• Heather colors are 52% ring-spun combed cotton and 48% polyester\u003cbr\u003e\n• Fabric weight: 3.9 oz\/y² (132.2 g\/m²)\u003cbr\u003e\n• Side-seamed construction\u003cbr\u003e\n• Envelope neckline\u003cbr\u003e\n• Three-snap leg closure\u003cbr\u003e\n• Blank product sourced from Nicaragua or Honduras\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003eSize guide\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cdiv class=\"table-responsive dynamic\" data-unit-system=\"imperial\"\u003e\u003ctable cellpadding=\"5\"\u003e\u003ctbody\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e \u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e3-6M\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e6-12M\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e12-18M\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e18-24M\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWidth (inches)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e9 3\/8\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e9 7\/8\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e10 3\/8\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e10 7\/8\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eFits Baby Length (inches)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e20-25\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e25-28\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e28-30\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e30-32\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eFits Baby Weight (lbs) (lbs)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e12-16\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e16-22\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e22-27\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e27-30\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003c\/tbody\u003e\u003c\/table\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"The Onion Store","offers":[{"title":"Black \/ 3-6m","offer_id":39461949538373,"sku":"8071493_9446","price":20.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 6-12m","offer_id":39461949571141,"sku":"8071493_9447","price":20.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 12-18m","offer_id":39461949603909,"sku":"8071493_9448","price":20.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 18-24m","offer_id":39461949636677,"sku":"8071493_9449","price":20.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Pink \/ 3-6m","offer_id":39461949800517,"sku":"8071493_9442","price":20.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Pink \/ 6-12m","offer_id":39461949833285,"sku":"8071493_9443","price":20.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Pink \/ 12-18m","offer_id":39461949866053,"sku":"8071493_9444","price":20.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Pink \/ 18-24m","offer_id":39461949898821,"sku":"8071493_9445","price":20.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Grey \/ 3-6m","offer_id":39610581155909,"sku":"9888779_10333","price":20.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Grey \/ 6-12m","offer_id":39610581188677,"sku":"9888779_10334","price":20.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Grey \/ 12-18m","offer_id":39610581221445,"sku":"9888779_10335","price":20.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Grey \/ 18-24m","offer_id":39610581319749,"sku":"9888779_10336","price":20.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0016\/2014\/8291\/files\/Shit_Factory_ONESIE_HeatherBlack.png?v=1723761526"},{"product_id":"shit-factory-headline-t-shirt","title":"'Shit Factory' Headline T-Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eThis t-shirt is everything you've dreamed of and more. It feels soft and lightweight, with the right amount of stretch. It's comfortable and flattering for both men and women. \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e• 100% combed and ring-spun cotton (Heather colors contain polyester)\u003cbr\u003e• Ash color is 99% combed and ring-spun cotton, 1% polyester\u003cbr\u003e• Heather colors are 52% combed and ring-spun cotton, 48% polyester\u003cbr\u003e• Athletic and Black Heather are 90% combed and ring-spun cotton, 10% polyester\u003cbr\u003e• Heather Prism colors are 99% combed and ring-spun cotton, 1% polyester\u003cbr\u003e• Fabric weight: 4.2 oz (142 g\/m2)\u003cbr\u003e• Pre-shrunk fabric\u003cbr\u003e• Side-seamed construction\u003cbr\u003e• Shoulder-to-shoulder taping\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003e\u003cspan class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003eSize Chart can be viewed\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003e\u003cspan data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003ca rel=\"noopener\" href=\"https:\/\/store.theonion.com\/pages\/size-chart\" target=\"_blank\"\u003ehere\u003c\/a\u003e.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cdiv data-unit-system=\"imperial\" class=\"table-responsive dynamic\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"The Onion Store","offers":[{"title":"XS \/ Heather Charcoal","offer_id":39461950816325,"sku":"8851533_9575","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"S \/ Heather Charcoal","offer_id":39461950849093,"sku":"8851533_8923","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M \/ Heather Charcoal","offer_id":39461950881861,"sku":"8851533_8924","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L \/ Heather Charcoal","offer_id":39461950914629,"sku":"8851533_8925","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL \/ Heather Charcoal","offer_id":39461950947397,"sku":"8851533_8926","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL \/ Heather Charcoal","offer_id":39461950980165,"sku":"8851533_8927","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"3XL \/ Heather Charcoal","offer_id":39461951012933,"sku":"8851533_8928","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0016\/2014\/8291\/files\/Shit_Factory_SHIRT_HeatherCharcoal.png?v=1723761752"},{"product_id":"report-its-not-okay-headline-t-shirt","title":"'Report: It's Not Okay' Headline T-Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eThis t-shirt is everything you've dreamed of and more. It feels soft and lightweight, with the right amount of stretch. It's comfortable and flattering for all. \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e• 100% combed and ring-spun cotton (Heather colors contain polyester)\u003cbr\u003e• Ash color is 99% combed and ring-spun cotton, 1% polyester\u003cbr\u003e• Heather colors are 52% combed and ring-spun cotton, 48% polyester\u003cbr\u003e• Athletic and Black Heather are 90% combed and ring-spun cotton, 10% polyester\u003cbr\u003e• Heather Prism colors are 99% combed and ring-spun cotton, 1% polyester\u003cbr\u003e• Fabric weight: 4.2 oz (142 g\/m2)\u003cbr\u003e• Pre-shrunk fabric\u003cbr\u003e• Side-seamed construction\u003cbr\u003e• Shoulder-to-shoulder taping\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003e\u003cspan class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003eSize Chart can be viewed\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003e\u003cspan data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003ca href=\"https:\/\/store.theonion.com\/pages\/size-chart\" rel=\"noopener\" target=\"_blank\"\u003ehere\u003c\/a\u003e.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"table-responsive dynamic\" data-unit-system=\"imperial\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"The Onion Store","offers":[{"title":"Heather Burgundy \/ XS","offer_id":39548430254149,"sku":"6274043_9575","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Burgundy \/ S","offer_id":39548430286917,"sku":"6274043_8923","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Burgundy \/ M","offer_id":39548430319685,"sku":"6274043_8924","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Burgundy \/ L","offer_id":39548430352453,"sku":"6274043_8925","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Burgundy \/ XL","offer_id":39548430385221,"sku":"6274043_8926","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Burgundy \/ 2XL","offer_id":39548430417989,"sku":"6274043_8927","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Burgundy \/ 3XL","offer_id":39548430450757,"sku":"6274043_8928","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0016\/2014\/8291\/files\/Report_Not_Okay_SHIRT_HeatherBurgundy.png?v=1723936756"},{"product_id":"inconveniencing-others-headline-t-shirt","title":"'Inconveniencing Others' Headline T-Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eThis t-shirt is everything you've dreamed of and more. It feels soft and lightweight, with the right amount of stretch. It's comfortable and flattering for all. \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e• 100% combed and ring-spun cotton (Heather colors contain polyester)\u003cbr\u003e• Ash color is 99% combed and ring-spun cotton, 1% polyester\u003cbr\u003e• Heather colors are 52% combed and ring-spun cotton, 48% polyester\u003cbr\u003e• Athletic and Black Heather are 90% combed and ring-spun cotton, 10% polyester\u003cbr\u003e• Heather Prism colors are 99% combed and ring-spun cotton, 1% polyester\u003cbr\u003e• Fabric weight: 4.2 oz (142 g\/m2)\u003cbr\u003e• Pre-shrunk fabric\u003cbr\u003e• Side-seamed construction\u003cbr\u003e• Shoulder-to-shoulder taping\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003eSize Chart can be viewed\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cstrong class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003e\u003cspan data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003ca rel=\"noopener\" href=\"https:\/\/store.theonion.com\/pages\/size-chart\" target=\"_blank\"\u003ehere\u003c\/a\u003e.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cstrong class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"table-responsive dynamic\" data-unit-system=\"imperial\"\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"The Onion Store","offers":[{"title":"Heather Denim \/ XS","offer_id":41718093086789,"sku":"","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Heather Denim \/ S","offer_id":39589889736773,"sku":"9322809_8923","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Denim \/ M","offer_id":39589889769541,"sku":"9322809_8924","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Denim \/ L","offer_id":39589889802309,"sku":"9322809_8925","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Denim \/ XL","offer_id":39589889835077,"sku":"9322809_8926","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Denim \/ 2XL","offer_id":39589889867845,"sku":"9322809_8927","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Denim \/ 3XL","offer_id":39589889900613,"sku":"9322809_8928","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0016\/2014\/8291\/files\/Incoveniencing_Others_SHIRT_HeatherDenim.png?v=1723761703"},{"product_id":"plan-to-be-more-positive-headline-t-shirt","title":"'Plan To Be More Positive' Headline T-Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eThis t-shirt is everything you've dreamed of and more. It feels soft and lightweight, with the right amount of stretch. It's comfortable and flattering for all. \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e• 100% combed and ring-spun cotton (Heather colors contain polyester)\u003cbr\u003e• Ash color is 99% combed and ring-spun cotton, 1% polyester\u003cbr\u003e• Heather colors are 52% combed and ring-spun cotton, 48% polyester\u003cbr\u003e• Athletic and Black Heather are 90% combed and ring-spun cotton, 10% polyester\u003cbr\u003e• Heather Prism colors are 99% combed and ring-spun cotton, 1% polyester\u003cbr\u003e• Fabric weight: 4.2 oz (142 g\/m2)\u003cbr\u003e• Pre-shrunk fabric\u003cbr\u003e• Side-seamed construction\u003cbr\u003e• Shoulder-to-shoulder taping\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003e\u003cspan class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003eSize Chart can be viewed\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003e\u003cspan data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003ca href=\"https:\/\/store.theonion.com\/pages\/size-chart\" rel=\"noopener\" target=\"_blank\"\u003ehere\u003c\/a\u003e.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"The Onion Store","offers":[{"title":"XS \/ Heather Charcoal","offer_id":39601424924741,"sku":"6732699_9575","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"S \/ Heather Charcoal","offer_id":39601424957509,"sku":"6732699_8923","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M \/ Heather Charcoal","offer_id":39601424990277,"sku":"6732699_8924","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L \/ Heather Charcoal","offer_id":39601425023045,"sku":"6732699_8925","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL \/ Heather Charcoal","offer_id":39601425055813,"sku":"6732699_8926","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL \/ Heather Charcoal","offer_id":39601425088581,"sku":"6732699_8927","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"3XL \/ Heather Charcoal","offer_id":39601425121349,"sku":"6732699_8928","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0016\/2014\/8291\/files\/Plan_To_Be_Positive_SHIRT_HeatherCharcoal.png?v=1723761504"},{"product_id":"right-v-wrong-headline-t-shirt","title":"'Right v. Wrong' Headline T-Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eThis t-shirt is everything you've dreamed of and more. It feels soft and lightweight, with the right amount of stretch. It's comfortable and flattering for all. \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e• 100% combed and ring-spun cotton (Heather colors contain polyester)\u003cbr\u003e• Fabric weight: 4.2 oz\/yd² (142 g\/m²)\u003cbr\u003e• Pre-shrunk fabric\u003cbr\u003e• Side-seamed construction\u003cbr\u003e• Shoulder-to-shoulder taping\u003cbr\u003e• Blank product sourced from Guatemala, Nicaragua, Mexico, Honduras, or the US\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003eSize Chart can be viewed\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003e\u003cspan data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cstrong class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003e\u003cspan data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003ca href=\"https:\/\/store.theonion.com\/pages\/size-chart\" rel=\"noopener\" target=\"_blank\"\u003ehere\u003c\/a\u003e.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"The Onion Store","offers":[{"title":"Heather Charcoal \/ XS","offer_id":40156760703045,"sku":"7392720_9575","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Charcoal \/ S","offer_id":40156760735813,"sku":"7392720_8923","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Charcoal \/ M","offer_id":40156760768581,"sku":"7392720_8924","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Charcoal \/ L","offer_id":40156760801349,"sku":"7392720_8925","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Charcoal \/ XL","offer_id":40156760834117,"sku":"7392720_8926","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Charcoal \/ 2XL","offer_id":40156760866885,"sku":"7392720_8927","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Charcoal \/ 3XL","offer_id":40156760899653,"sku":"7392720_8928","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0016\/2014\/8291\/files\/Right_V_Wrong_SHIRT_HeatherCharcoal_5bb5971a-d1e0-4cad-91a8-11e88c16952d.png?v=1723761726"},{"product_id":"true-courage-headline-t-shirt","title":"'True Courage' Headline T-Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eThis t-shirt is everything you've dreamed of and more. It feels soft and lightweight, with the right amount of stretch. It's comfortable and flattering for all. \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e• 100% combed and ring-spun cotton (Heather colors contain polyester)\u003cbr\u003e• Fabric weight: 4.2 oz\/yd² (142 g\/m²)\u003cbr\u003e• Pre-shrunk fabric\u003cbr\u003e• Side-seamed construction\u003cbr\u003e• Shoulder-to-shoulder taping\u003cbr\u003e• Blank product sourced from Guatemala, Nicaragua, Mexico, Honduras, or the US\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003eSize Chart can be viewed\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003e\u003cspan data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cstrong class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003e\u003cspan data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003ca href=\"https:\/\/store.theonion.com\/pages\/size-chart\" rel=\"noopener\" target=\"_blank\"\u003ehere\u003c\/a\u003e.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"The Onion Store","offers":[{"title":"Heather Burgundy \/ S","offer_id":40175147810885,"sku":"7663969_8923","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Burgundy \/ M","offer_id":40175147843653,"sku":"7663969_8924","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Burgundy \/ L","offer_id":40175147876421,"sku":"7663969_8925","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Burgundy \/ XL","offer_id":40175147909189,"sku":"7663969_8926","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Burgundy \/ 2XL","offer_id":40175147941957,"sku":"7663969_8927","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Burgundy \/ 3XL","offer_id":40175147974725,"sku":"7663969_8928","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Burgundy \/ XS","offer_id":40175147778117,"sku":"7663969_9575","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0016\/2014\/8291\/files\/True_Courage_SHIRT_HeatherBurgundy.png?v=1723761760"},{"product_id":"i-didnt-ask-to-be-a-role-model-headline-t-shirt","title":"'I Didn't Ask To Be A Role Model' Headline T-Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eThis t-shirt is everything you've dreamed of and more. It feels soft and lightweight, with the right amount of stretch. It's comfortable and flattering for all. \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e• 100% combed and ring-spun cotton (Heather colors contain polyester)\u003cbr\u003e• Ash color is 99% combed and ring-spun cotton, 1% polyester\u003cbr\u003e• Heather colors are 52% combed and ring-spun cotton, 48% polyester\u003cbr\u003e• Athletic and Black Heather are 90% combed and ring-spun cotton, 10% polyester\u003cbr\u003e• Heather Prism colors are 99% combed and ring-spun cotton, 1% polyester\u003cbr\u003e• Fabric weight: 4.2 oz (142 g\/m2)\u003cbr\u003e• Pre-shrunk fabric\u003cbr\u003e• Side-seamed construction\u003cbr\u003e• Shoulder-to-shoulder taping\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003e\u003cspan class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003eSize Chart can be viewed\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003e\u003cspan data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003ca href=\"https:\/\/store.theonion.com\/pages\/size-chart\" rel=\"noopener\" target=\"_blank\"\u003ehere\u003c\/a\u003e.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"The Onion Store","offers":[{"title":"XS \/ Heather Denim","offer_id":41712803708997,"sku":"","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"S \/ Heather Denim","offer_id":40188142714949,"sku":"7967560_8451","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M \/ Heather Denim","offer_id":40188142747717,"sku":"7967560_8452","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L \/ Heather Denim","offer_id":40188142780485,"sku":"7967560_8453","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL \/ Heather Denim","offer_id":40188142813253,"sku":"7967560_8454","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL \/ Heather Denim","offer_id":40188142846021,"sku":"7967560_8455","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"3XL \/ Heather Denim","offer_id":40188142878789,"sku":"7967560_8456","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0016\/2014\/8291\/files\/I_Didnt_Role_Model_SHIRT_HeatherDenim.png?v=1723761467"},{"product_id":"no-talent-punk-t-shirt","title":"'No-Talent Punk' T-Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eThis t-shirt is everything you've dreamed of and more. It feels soft and lightweight, with the right amount of stretch. It's comfortable and flattering for all. \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e• 100% combed and ring-spun cotton (Heather colors contain polyester)\u003cbr\u003e• Fabric weight: 4.2 oz\/yd² (142 g\/m²)\u003cbr\u003e• Pre-shrunk fabric\u003cbr\u003e• Side-seamed construction\u003cbr\u003e• Shoulder-to-shoulder taping\u003cbr\u003e• Blank product sourced from Guatemala, Nicaragua, Mexico, Honduras, or the US\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003eSize Chart can be viewed\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003e\u003cspan data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cstrong class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003e\u003cspan data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003ca href=\"https:\/\/store.theonion.com\/pages\/size-chart\" rel=\"noopener\" target=\"_blank\"\u003ehere\u003c\/a\u003e.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"The Onion Store","offers":[{"title":"Heather Black \/ XS","offer_id":40215717544005,"sku":"5568201_9575","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Black \/ S","offer_id":40215717576773,"sku":"5568201_8923","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Black \/ M","offer_id":40215717609541,"sku":"5568201_8924","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Black \/ L","offer_id":40215717642309,"sku":"5568201_8925","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Black \/ XL","offer_id":40215717675077,"sku":"5568201_8926","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":40215717707845,"sku":"5568201_8927","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":40215717740613,"sku":"5568201_8928","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0016\/2014\/8291\/files\/No-Talent_Punk_SHIRT-HeatherBlack.png?v=1718702688"},{"product_id":"latest-fad-t-shirt","title":"'*Latest Fad' T-Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eThis t-shirt is everything you've dreamed of and more. It feels soft and lightweight, with the right amount of stretch. It's comfortable and flattering for all. \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e• 100% combed and ring-spun cotton (Heather colors contain polyester)\u003cbr\u003e• Fabric weight: 4.2 oz\/yd² (142 g\/m²)\u003cbr\u003e• Pre-shrunk fabric\u003cbr\u003e• Side-seamed construction\u003cbr\u003e• Shoulder-to-shoulder taping\u003cbr\u003e• Blank product sourced from Guatemala, Nicaragua, Mexico, Honduras, or the US\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003eSize Chart can be viewed\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003e\u003cspan data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cstrong class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003e\u003cspan data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003ca href=\"https:\/\/store.theonion.com\/pages\/size-chart\" rel=\"noopener\" target=\"_blank\"\u003ehere\u003c\/a\u003e.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"The Onion Store","offers":[{"title":"Heather Black \/ XS","offer_id":40322160230469,"sku":"8708028_9575","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Black \/ S","offer_id":40322160263237,"sku":"8708028_8923","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Black \/ M","offer_id":40322160296005,"sku":"8708028_8924","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Black \/ L","offer_id":40322160328773,"sku":"8708028_8925","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Black \/ XL","offer_id":40322160361541,"sku":"8708028_8926","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":40322160394309,"sku":"8708028_8927","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":40322160427077,"sku":"8708028_8928","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0016\/2014\/8291\/files\/Latest_Fad_SHIRT-HeatherBlack.png?v=1718702709"},{"product_id":"tu-stultus-es-t-shirt","title":"'Tu Stultus Es' T-Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eThis t-shirt is everything you've dreamed of and more. It feels soft and lightweight, with the right amount of stretch. It's comfortable and flattering for all. \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e• 100% combed and ring-spun cotton (Heather colors contain polyester)\u003cbr\u003e• Fabric weight: 4.2 oz\/yd² (142 g\/m²)\u003cbr\u003e• Pre-shrunk fabric\u003cbr\u003e• Side-seamed construction\u003cbr\u003e• Shoulder-to-shoulder taping\u003cbr\u003e• Blank product sourced from Guatemala, Nicaragua, Mexico, Honduras, or the US\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003eSize Chart can be viewed\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003e\u003cspan data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cstrong class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003e\u003cspan data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003ca href=\"https:\/\/store.theonion.com\/pages\/size-chart\" rel=\"noopener\" data-mce-href=\"https:\/\/store.theonion.com\/pages\/size-chart\" target=\"_blank\"\u003ehere\u003c\/a\u003e.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"The Onion Store","offers":[{"title":"Heather Grey \/ XS","offer_id":41712892608581,"sku":"","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Grey \/ S","offer_id":41712892641349,"sku":"","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Grey \/ M","offer_id":41712892674117,"sku":"","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Grey \/ L","offer_id":41712892706885,"sku":"","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Grey \/ XL","offer_id":41712892739653,"sku":"","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Grey \/ 2XL","offer_id":41712892772421,"sku":"","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Grey \/ 3XL","offer_id":41712892805189,"sku":"","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0016\/2014\/8291\/files\/Tu_Stultus_Es_SHIRT_HeatherGrey.png?v=1723761495"},{"product_id":"id-do-a-threesome-premium-t-shirt","title":"'I'd Do A Threesome' Premium T-Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eThis t-shirt is everything you've dreamed of and more. It feels soft and lightweight, with the right amount of stretch. It's comfortable and flattering for all. \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e• 100% combed and ring-spun cotton (Heather colors contain polyester)\u003cbr\u003e• Fabric weight: 4.2 oz\/yd² (142 g\/m²)\u003cbr\u003e• Pre-shrunk fabric\u003cbr\u003e• Side-seamed construction\u003cbr\u003e• Shoulder-to-shoulder taping\u003cbr\u003e• Blank product sourced from Guatemala, Nicaragua, Mexico, Honduras, or the US\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eThis product is made especially for you as soon as you place an order, which is why it takes us a bit longer to deliver it to you. Making products on demand instead of in bulk helps reduce overproduction, so thank you for making thoughtful purchasing decisions!\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003eSize Chart can be viewed\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003e\u003cspan data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cstrong class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003e\u003cspan data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003ca href=\"https:\/\/store.theonion.com\/pages\/size-chart\" rel=\"noopener\" target=\"_blank\"\u003ehere\u003c\/a\u003e.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"The Onion Store","offers":[{"title":"Heather White \/ XS","offer_id":40586030252101,"sku":"9758205_9526","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather White \/ S","offer_id":40586030284869,"sku":"9758205_4011","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather White \/ M","offer_id":40586030317637,"sku":"9758205_4012","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather White \/ L","offer_id":40586030350405,"sku":"9758205_4013","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather White \/ XL","offer_id":40586030383173,"sku":"9758205_4014","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather White \/ 2XL","offer_id":40586030415941,"sku":"9758205_4015","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather White \/ 3XL","offer_id":40586030448709,"sku":"9758205_5294","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0016\/2014\/8291\/files\/Id_Do_A_Threesome_SHIRT_MOCKUP.png?v=1717927765"},{"product_id":"ive-earned-my-midlife-crisis-premium-t-shirt","title":"'I've Earned My Midlife Crisis' Premium T-Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eIf you’re looking for a thick, structured tee that’s also super soft and breathable—look no further! The men’s garment-dyed heavyweight t-shirt ticks all the boxes and is made of 100% ring-spun cotton. The regular t-shirt style will complement most looks and fit you to a tee.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e• 100% ring-spun cotton\u003cbr\u003e• Fabric weight: 6.1 oz\/yd² (206.8 g\/m²)\u003cbr\u003e• Garment-dyed\u003cbr\u003e• Relaxed fit\u003cbr\u003e• 7\/8″ double-needle topstitched collar\u003cbr\u003e• Twill-taped neck and shoulders for extra durability\u003cbr\u003e• Double-needle armhole, sleeve, and bottom hems\u003cbr\u003e• Blank product sourced from Honduras\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eThis product is made especially for you as soon as you place an order, which is why it takes us a bit longer to deliver it to you. Making products on demand instead of in bulk helps reduce overproduction, so thank you for making thoughtful purchasing decisions!\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003eSize Chart can be viewed\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003e\u003cspan data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cstrong class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003e\u003cspan data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003ca href=\"https:\/\/store.theonion.com\/pages\/size-chart\" rel=\"noopener\" target=\"_blank\"\u003ehere\u003c\/a\u003e.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"The Onion Store","offers":[{"title":"Heather Black \/ XS","offer_id":41718087090245,"sku":"","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Black \/ S","offer_id":40605313204293,"sku":"7466761_15114","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Black \/ M","offer_id":40605313237061,"sku":"7466761_15115","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Black \/ L","offer_id":40605313269829,"sku":"7466761_15116","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Black \/ XL","offer_id":40605313302597,"sku":"7466761_15117","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":40605313335365,"sku":"7466761_15118","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":40605313368133,"sku":"7466761_16326","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0016\/2014\/8291\/files\/Midlife_Crisis_SHIRT-HeatherBlack.png?v=1718702692"},{"product_id":"coddled-millenials-premium-t-shirt","title":"'Coddled Millenial' Premium T-Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eThis t-shirt is everything you've dreamed of and more. It feels soft and lightweight, with the right amount of stretch. It's comfortable and flattering for all.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e• 65% combed ring-spun cotton, 35% polyester\u003cbr\u003e• Fabric weight: 3.4 oz\/yd² (115.3 g\/m²)\u003cbr\u003e• Pre-shrunk for extra durability\u003cbr\u003e• 40 singles\u003cbr\u003e• Regular fit\u003cbr\u003e• Side-seamed construction\u003cbr\u003e• Blank product sourced from Guatemala, Nicaragua, Honduras, or the US\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eThis product is made especially for you as soon as you place an order, which is why it takes us a bit longer to deliver it to you. Making products on demand instead of in bulk helps reduce overproduction, so thank you for making thoughtful purchasing decisions!\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003eSize Chart can be viewed\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003e\u003cspan data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cstrong class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003e\u003cspan data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003ca href=\"https:\/\/store.theonion.com\/pages\/size-chart\" rel=\"noopener\" target=\"_blank\"\u003ehere\u003c\/a\u003e.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"The Onion Store","offers":[{"title":"Heather Black \/ XS","offer_id":40645738594373,"sku":"3230102_6584","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Black \/ S","offer_id":40645738627141,"sku":"3230102_6585","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Black \/ M","offer_id":40645738659909,"sku":"3230102_6586","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Black \/ L","offer_id":40645738692677,"sku":"3230102_6587","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Black \/ XL","offer_id":40645738725445,"sku":"3230102_6588","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":40645738758213,"sku":"3230102_6589","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":40645738790981,"sku":"3230102_6590","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0016\/2014\/8291\/files\/Coddled_Millennial_SHIRT-HeatherBlack.png?v=1718702696"},{"product_id":"cartoon-sickos-premium-t-shirt","title":"Cartoon 'Sickos' Premium T-Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eThis t-shirt is everything you've dreamed of and more. It feels soft and lightweight, with the right amount of stretch. It's comfortable and flattering for all. \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e• 100% combed and ring-spun cotton (Heather colors contain polyester)\u003cbr\u003e• Fabric weight: 4.2 oz.\/yd.² (142 g\/m²)\u003cbr\u003e• Pre-shrunk fabric\u003cbr\u003e• Side-seamed construction\u003cbr\u003e• Shoulder-to-shoulder taping\u003cbr\u003e• Blank product sourced from Nicaragua, Mexico, Honduras, or the US\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eThis product is made especially for you as soon as you place an order, which is why it takes us a bit longer to deliver it to you. Making products on demand instead of in bulk helps reduce overproduction, so thank you for making thoughtful purchasing decisions!\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003eSize Chart can be viewed\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cstrong class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003e\u003cspan data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003ca rel=\"noopener\" href=\"https:\/\/store.theonion.com\/pages\/size-chart\" target=\"_blank\"\u003ehere\u003c\/a\u003e.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"The Onion Store","offers":[{"title":"Heather Black \/ XS","offer_id":40648596947013,"sku":"6272936_9575","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Black \/ S","offer_id":40648596979781,"sku":"6272936_8923","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Black \/ M","offer_id":40648597012549,"sku":"6272936_8924","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Black \/ L","offer_id":40648597045317,"sku":"6272936_8925","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Black \/ XL","offer_id":40648597078085,"sku":"6272936_8926","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":40648597110853,"sku":"6272936_8927","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":40648597143621,"sku":"6272936_8928","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0016\/2014\/8291\/files\/Sickos_Cartoon_SHIRT-HeatherBlack.png?v=1718702713"},{"product_id":"i-enjoy-branded-merchandise-headline-t-shirt","title":"'I Enjoy Branded Merchandise' Headline T-Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eThis t-shirt is everything you've dreamed of and more. It feels soft and lightweight, with the right amount of stretch. It's comfortable and flattering for all. \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e• 100% combed and ring-spun cotton (Heather colors contain polyester)\u003cbr\u003e• Fabric weight: 4.2 oz.\/yd.² (142 g\/m²)\u003cbr\u003e• Pre-shrunk fabric\u003cbr\u003e• Side-seamed construction\u003cbr\u003e• Shoulder-to-shoulder taping\u003cbr\u003e• Blank product sourced from Nicaragua, Mexico, Honduras, or the US\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eThis product is made especially for you as soon as you place an order, which is why it takes us a bit longer to deliver it to you. Making products on demand instead of in bulk helps reduce overproduction, so thank you for making thoughtful purchasing decisions!\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003eSize Chart can be viewed\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003e\u003cspan data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cstrong class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003e\u003cspan data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003ca href=\"https:\/\/store.theonion.com\/pages\/size-chart\" rel=\"noopener\" target=\"_blank\"\u003ehere\u003c\/a\u003e.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"The Onion Store","offers":[{"title":"Heather Kelly \/ XS","offer_id":41741962182725,"sku":"","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Heather Kelly \/ S","offer_id":40847093530693,"sku":"4939675_8923","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Kelly \/ M","offer_id":40847093563461,"sku":"4939675_8924","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Kelly \/ L","offer_id":40847093596229,"sku":"4939675_8925","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Kelly \/ XL","offer_id":40847093628997,"sku":"4939675_8926","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Kelly \/ 2XL","offer_id":40847093661765,"sku":"4939675_8927","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Kelly \/ 3XL","offer_id":40847093694533,"sku":"4939675_8928","price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0016\/2014\/8291\/files\/I_Enjoy_Branded_Merchandise_SHIRT_HeatherKelly.png?v=1723761530"},{"product_id":"americas-finest-premium-hoodie","title":"America's Finest Premium Hoodie","description":"Meet the premium eco hoodie made of organic and recycled materials. With its comfortable fit, front pouch pocket, and double-layered hood, the hoodie is a classic streetwear piece that can be styled with multiple different looks.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\n• 85% organic cotton, 15% recycled polyester\u003cbr\u003e\n• Ribbing: 97% organic cotton, 3% elastane\u003cbr\u003e\n• Brushed fleece fabric inside\u003cbr\u003e\n• Comfortable unisex fit\u003cbr\u003e\n• Double-layered hood\u003cbr\u003e\n• Flat drawcords with metal eyelets for a premium feel\u003cbr\u003e\n• Kangaroo pocket\u003cbr\u003e\n• Inside\/outside label patch for branding\u003cbr\u003e\n• Tear-away care label\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nThis product is made especially for you as soon as you place an order, which is why it takes us a bit longer to deliver it to you. Making products on demand instead of in bulk helps reduce overproduction, so thank you for making thoughtful purchasing decisions!\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003eSize guide\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cdiv class=\"table-responsive dynamic\" data-unit-system=\"imperial\"\u003e\u003ctable cellpadding=\"5\"\u003e\u003ctbody\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e \u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eA (inches)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eB (inches)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eC (inches)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eD (inches)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eXS\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e18 ½\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e26 ⅜\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e5 ¼\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e23 ⅝\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eS\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e20 ⅛\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e26 ¾\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e5 ½\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e23 ⅞\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eM\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e21 ⅝\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e27 ⅛\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e5 ¾\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e24 \u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e23 ¼\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e28 ⅛\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e5 ⅞\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e24 ¼\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eXL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e25 ¼\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e29 ⅛\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e6 ½\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e24 ⅜\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e2XL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e27 ½\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e30 ¼\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e6 ⅞\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e24 ⅝\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e3XL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e29 ⅞\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e31 ½\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e7 ½\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e24 ¾\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e4XL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e32 ¼\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e32 ⅝\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e7 ⅞\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e25.00\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e5XL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e34 ⅝\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e33 ⅞\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e8 ⅝\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e25 ¼\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003c\/tbody\u003e\u003c\/table\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"The Onion Store","offers":[{"title":"Black \/ XS","offer_id":40920037523525,"sku":"7704303_13098","price":50.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Black \/ S","offer_id":40920037556293,"sku":"7704303_13099","price":50.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Black \/ M","offer_id":40920037589061,"sku":"7704303_13100","price":50.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Black \/ L","offer_id":40920037621829,"sku":"7704303_13101","price":50.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":40920037654597,"sku":"7704303_13102","price":50.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":40920037687365,"sku":"7704303_13103","price":50.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":40920037720133,"sku":"7704303_13104","price":50.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":40920037752901,"sku":"7704303_13105","price":50.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Black \/ 5XL","offer_id":40920037785669,"sku":"7704303_13106","price":50.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"White \/ XS","offer_id":40920039555141,"sku":"5499652_13107","price":50.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"White \/ S","offer_id":40920039587909,"sku":"5499652_13108","price":50.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"White \/ M","offer_id":40920039620677,"sku":"5499652_13109","price":50.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"White \/ L","offer_id":40920039653445,"sku":"5499652_13110","price":50.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"White \/ XL","offer_id":40920039686213,"sku":"5499652_13111","price":50.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"White \/ 2XL","offer_id":40920039718981,"sku":"5499652_13112","price":50.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"White \/ 3XL","offer_id":40920039751749,"sku":"5499652_13113","price":50.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"White \/ 4XL","offer_id":40920039784517,"sku":"5499652_13114","price":50.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"White \/ 5XL","offer_id":40920039817285,"sku":"5499652_13115","price":50.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0016\/2014\/8291\/files\/premium-eco-hoodie-white-front-65a1c7c235d30.png?v=1705221428"},{"product_id":"like-hell-cork-coaster","title":"Like Hell Cork Coaster","description":"\u003cp\u003eLike Hell We're All In This Together.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eBlack screen print on 1\/8 inch thick natural high density cork, 4\" x 4.\" Designed by RAYGUN and printed by \u003ca href=\"https:\/\/www.raygunsite.com\/pages\/union-printed\"\u003eUnion Labor\u003c\/a\u003e at RAYGUN. \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cb\u003eMade in USA.\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003c!----\u003e","brand":"The Onion Store","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":41685154332741,"sku":null,"price":2.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0016\/2014\/8291\/files\/TheOnionWebReady-LikeHell-Coaster.jpg?v=1717276859"},{"product_id":"meats-juices-cork-coaster","title":"Meat's Juices Cork Coaster","description":"\u003cp\u003eAverage Father Thinks About Sealing In Meat's Juices 4 to 5 Hours A Day.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eBlack screen print on 1\/8 inch thick natural high density cork, 4\" x 4.\" Designed by RAYGUN and printed by \u003ca href=\"https:\/\/www.raygunsite.com\/pages\/union-printed\"\u003eUnion Labor\u003c\/a\u003e at RAYGUN. \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cb\u003eMade in USA.\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003c!----\u003e","brand":"The Onion Store","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":41685157347397,"sku":null,"price":2.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0016\/2014\/8291\/files\/the-onion-coaster-sealing-meat-juices.png?v=1717276867"},{"product_id":"right-v-wrong-cork-coaster","title":"Right v Wrong Cork Coaster","description":"\u003cp\u003eSupreme Court Overturns 'Right v. Wrong.\"\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eBlack screen print on 1\/8 inch thick natural high density cork, 4\" x 4.\" Designed by RAYGUN and printed by \u003ca href=\"https:\/\/www.raygunsite.com\/pages\/union-printed\"\u003eUnion Labor\u003c\/a\u003e at RAYGUN. \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cb\u003eMade in USA.\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003c!----\u003e","brand":"The Onion Store","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":41685161771077,"sku":null,"price":2.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0016\/2014\/8291\/files\/TheOnionWebReady-RightVWrong-Coaster.jpg?v=1717276822"},{"product_id":"true-courage-cork-coaster","title":"True Courage Cork Coaster","description":"\u003cp\u003eTrue Courage is Knowing You're Wrong but Refusing to Admit It.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eBlack screen print on 1\/8 inch thick natural high density cork, 4\" x 4.\" Designed by RAYGUN and printed by \u003ca href=\"https:\/\/www.raygunsite.com\/pages\/union-printed\"\u003eUnion Labor\u003c\/a\u003e at RAYGUN. \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cb\u003eMade in USA.\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003c!----\u003e","brand":"The Onion Store","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":41685162393669,"sku":null,"price":2.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0016\/2014\/8291\/files\/TheOnionWebReady-TrueCourage-Coaster.jpg?v=1717276878"},{"product_id":"irish-americans-can-cooler","title":"Irish-Americans Can Cooler","description":"\u003cp\u003eIrish-Americans Gear Up for 'The Reinforcin' O' The Stereotypes'. \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eWhite plastisol ink print on a Kelly Green fade-resistant polyester covered scuba foam can cooler. A Portion of All RAYGUN Sales Raise Money For \u003ca href=\"https:\/\/www.raygunsite.com\/blogs\/giving-back\" target=\"_blank\"\u003eOrganizations That We Support\u003c\/a\u003e. Designed and printed by \u003ca href=\"https:\/\/www.raygunsite.com\/pages\/union-printed\"\u003eUnion Labor\u003c\/a\u003e at RAYGUN. Imported and printed in the USA.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c!----\u003e","brand":"The Onion Store","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":41685164032069,"sku":"","price":3.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0016\/2014\/8291\/files\/the-onion-irish-americans-can-cooler.png?v=1717276785"},{"product_id":"irish-heritage-can-cooler","title":"Irish Heritage Can Cooler","description":"\u003cp\u003eMan Who's 1\/16th Irish Proud of His Irish Heritage.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eWhite plastisol ink print on a Kelly Green fade-resistant polyester covered scuba foam can cooler. A Portion of All RAYGUN Sales Raise Money For \u003ca href=\"https:\/\/www.raygunsite.com\/blogs\/giving-back\" target=\"_blank\"\u003eOrganizations That We Support\u003c\/a\u003e. Designed and printed by \u003ca href=\"https:\/\/www.raygunsite.com\/pages\/union-printed\"\u003eUnion Labor\u003c\/a\u003e at RAYGUN. Imported and printed in the USA.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c!----\u003e","brand":"The Onion Store","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":41685164720197,"sku":null,"price":3.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0016\/2014\/8291\/files\/the-onion-man-whos-proud-can-cooler.png?v=1717276806"},{"product_id":"10th-circle-of-hell-t-shirt","title":"'Tenth Circle' Headline T-Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eThis t-shirt is everything you've dreamed of and more. It feels soft and lightweight, with the right amount of stretch. It's comfortable and flattering for all. \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e• 100% combed and ring-spun cotton (Heather colors contain polyester)\u003cbr\u003e• Fabric weight: 4.2 oz\/yd² (142 g\/m²)\u003cbr\u003e• Pre-shrunk fabric\u003cbr\u003e• Side-seamed construction\u003cbr\u003e• Shoulder-to-shoulder taping\u003cbr\u003e• Blank product sourced from Guatemala, Nicaragua, Mexico, Honduras, or the US\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003eSize Chart can be viewed\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003e\u003cspan data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cstrong class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003e\u003cspan data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003ca href=\"https:\/\/store.theonion.com\/pages\/size-chart\" rel=\"noopener\" target=\"_blank\"\u003ehere\u003c\/a\u003e.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c!----\u003e","brand":"The Onion Store","offers":[{"title":"Heather Red \/ XS","offer_id":41685272920133,"sku":null,"price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Red \/ S","offer_id":41685272952901,"sku":null,"price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Red \/ M","offer_id":41685272985669,"sku":null,"price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Red \/ L","offer_id":41685273018437,"sku":null,"price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Red \/ XL","offer_id":41685273051205,"sku":null,"price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Red \/ 2XL","offer_id":41685273083973,"sku":null,"price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Red \/ 3XL","offer_id":41685273116741,"sku":null,"price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0016\/2014\/8291\/files\/Tenth_Circle_SHIRT_HeatherRed.png?v=1723761594"},{"product_id":"dave-matthews-band-t-shirt","title":"Dave Matthews Band Anniversary T-Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eThis t-shirt is everything you've dreamed of and more. It feels soft and lightweight, with the right amount of stretch. It's comfortable and flattering for all. \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e• 100% combed and ring-spun cotton (Heather colors contain polyester)\u003cbr\u003e• Fabric weight: 4.2 oz\/yd² (142 g\/m²)\u003cbr\u003e• Pre-shrunk fabric\u003cbr\u003e• Side-seamed construction\u003cbr\u003e• Shoulder-to-shoulder taping\u003cbr\u003e• Blank product sourced from Guatemala, Nicaragua, Mexico, Honduras, or the US\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003eSize Chart can be viewed\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cstrong class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003e\u003cspan data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003ca rel=\"noopener\" href=\"https:\/\/store.theonion.com\/pages\/size-chart\" target=\"_blank\"\u003ehere\u003c\/a\u003e.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c!----\u003e","brand":"The Onion Store","offers":[{"title":"Heather White \/ XS","offer_id":41685274853445,"sku":null,"price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather White \/ S","offer_id":41685274886213,"sku":null,"price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather White \/ M","offer_id":41685274918981,"sku":null,"price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather White \/ L","offer_id":41685274951749,"sku":null,"price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather White \/ XL","offer_id":41685274984517,"sku":null,"price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather White \/ 2XL","offer_id":41685275017285,"sku":null,"price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather White \/ 3XL","offer_id":41685275050053,"sku":null,"price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0016\/2014\/8291\/files\/Dave_Matthews_SHIRT_White.png?v=1723284132"}],"url":"https:\/\/store.theonion.com\/collections\/newest-products.oembed?page=10","provider":"The Onion Store","version":"1.0","type":"link"}