{"title":"TheOnion.InfoWear","description":"","products":[{"product_id":"infowars-mashup-logo-camo-fanny-pack","title":"Onion.InfoWear: Limited Edition Crossbody Bag","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan data-sheets-root=\"1\"\u003eWe won't make you call this a fanny pack.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cspan\u003e-Waterproof nylon\u003cbr\u003e-earphone holes\u003cbr\u003e-2 zippered compartments\u003cbr\u003e-12.6\" L x 5.2\" W\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"The Onion Store","offers":[{"title":"Rainbow \/ Camo","offer_id":44846711603269,"sku":"3003343_1320","price":30.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0016\/2014\/8291\/files\/IW_Crossover_Bag.jpg?v=1776734992"},{"product_id":"infowars-mashup-logo-cotton-tote-copy","title":"Onion.InfoWear: Double-Sided, Limited Edition Tote Bag","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cmeta charset=\"utf-8\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThis tote bag has two sides, one for each of your moods. Yes, two moods is all you have.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cspan\u003e-12 Oz. canvas\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cspan\u003e-squared off bottom\u003cbr\u003e-22\" long web handles\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cspan\u003e-20\" W x 15\" H x 5\" D\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"The Onion Store","offers":[{"title":"Rainbow\/Camo","offer_id":44846772748357,"sku":null,"price":30.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0016\/2014\/8291\/files\/Onion_InfoWars_LargeBlackTote_001.jpg?v=1787711775"},{"product_id":"infowars-mashup-logo-tee","title":"Onion.InfoWear: Limited Edition T-Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cmeta charset=\"utf-8\"\u003eT-shirts are everywhere these days. Find out what all the fuss is about.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e• 50% Combed Ring Spun Cotton 50% Polyester 4.4 oz\/sq yd\u003cbr\u003e• Vintage-soft feel\u003cbr\u003e• Pre-shrunk fabric\u003cbr\u003e• Side-seamed construction\u003cbr\u003e• Shoulder-to-shoulder taping\u003cbr\u003e• USA Made\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003eSize Chart can be viewed\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cstrong class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003ca rel=\"noopener\" href=\"https:\/\/store.theonion.com\/pages\/size-chart\" target=\"_blank\"\u003ehere\u003c\/a\u003e.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cem\u003e\u003cstrong class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003e*shirts will be printed and starting to ship 7\/15*\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"The Onion Store","offers":[{"title":"Rainbow \/ White \/ XS","offer_id":44846863089733,"sku":null,"price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Rainbow \/ White \/ S","offer_id":44846863122501,"sku":null,"price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Rainbow \/ White \/ M","offer_id":44846863155269,"sku":null,"price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Rainbow \/ White \/ L","offer_id":44846863188037,"sku":null,"price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Rainbow \/ White \/ XL","offer_id":44846863220805,"sku":null,"price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Rainbow \/ White \/ 2XL","offer_id":44846863253573,"sku":null,"price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Rainbow \/ White \/ 3XL","offer_id":44894770626629,"sku":null,"price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0016\/2014\/8291\/files\/Infowars-Flat.png?v=1777064912"},{"product_id":"infowars-mashup-logo-hoodie","title":"Onion.InfoWear: Limited Edition Zip-Up Hoodie","description":"\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003eThis hoodie has a zipper so you don't get entangled for 20 minutes pulling it over your head.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan\u003e8 oz. Lightweight Sponge-Fleece lined zip-up sweatshirt\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eWhite drawcord and zipper tape\u003cspan\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eSplit-pouch pocket\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan\u003e52% Airlume combed and ring-spun cotton\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan\u003e48% Polyester\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003eSize Chart can be viewed\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cstrong class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003ca rel=\"noopener\" href=\"https:\/\/store.theonion.com\/pages\/size-chart\" target=\"_blank\"\u003ehere\u003c\/a\u003e.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"The Onion Store","offers":[{"title":"Black \/ White Ink \/ S","offer_id":44846864203845,"sku":null,"price":67.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ White Ink \/ M","offer_id":44846864236613,"sku":null,"price":67.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ White Ink \/ L","offer_id":44846864269381,"sku":null,"price":67.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ White Ink \/ XL","offer_id":44846864302149,"sku":null,"price":67.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ White Ink \/ 2XL","offer_id":44846864334917,"sku":null,"price":67.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ White Ink \/ 3XL","offer_id":44894768332869,"sku":null,"price":67.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0016\/2014\/8291\/files\/IW_Hoodie_FRONT.jpg?v=1776734986"},{"product_id":"infonionwars-signature-camo-dad-hat","title":"Onion.InfoWear: Limited Edition Dad Hat","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cmeta charset=\"utf-8\"\u003e \u003cspan data-sheets-root=\"1\"\u003eIf your dad doesn't want one of these, he's denying you're his.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e-100% premium Cotton\u003cbr\u003e-Pigment dyed\/multi-color embroidery\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cspan data-sheets-root=\"1\"\u003e- relaxed fit construction\u003cbr\u003e- Soft cotton lining \u003cbr\u003e- adjustable back self-fabric buckle closure \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cem\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eShips by early June\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/em\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"The Onion Store","offers":[{"title":"Pigment Charcoal \/ Camo","offer_id":44850742100037,"sku":null,"price":30.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0016\/2014\/8291\/files\/IW_Camo_Hat.jpg?v=1776734989"},{"product_id":"infonionwars-trucker-hat-w-rainbow-patch","title":"Onion.InfoWear: Limited Edition Trucker Hat","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cmeta charset=\"utf-8\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eYou don't have to be a trucker to wear this hat, but would it kill you to haul 50 tons of timber from Oregon to Chicago?\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e-Foam Front Mesh Back Trucker Cap \u003cbr\u003e-Snap adjustable back closure\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"The Onion Store","offers":[{"title":"Black \/ Rainbow","offer_id":44850836471877,"sku":null,"price":30.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0016\/2014\/8291\/files\/IW_Rainbow_Trucker_Hat.jpg?v=1776734982"},{"product_id":"infowars-mashup-logo-adpen-triangle-camo-design-copy","title":"Onion.InfoWear: Limited Edition Logo Sunglasses","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cmeta charset=\"utf-8\"\u003e\u003cspan data-sheets-root=\"1\"\u003eYou'll feel so cool in these, you'll have them bolted into your forehead.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"The Onion Store","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":44850844500037,"sku":"3003343_1320","price":15.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0016\/2014\/8291\/files\/IW_Sunglasses.jpg?v=1776734988"},{"product_id":"demon-guard","title":"Demon Guard","description":"\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eAre demons preventing you from liberty and happiness? It’s nothing to be ashamed of, the wicked often prey on the righteous. Demon Guard is an easy-to-wear patch that\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e secretes holy water and minerals harvested from the Jordan River and the Sea of Galilee, guaranteeing \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e24-hour protection from all dark entities. Each patch is blessed by a patriotic ordained minister, so you can walk your path in divine comfort. \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cem\u003eContains 30 holy protection patches.\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"The Onion Store","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":44863147737157,"sku":null,"price":29.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0016\/2014\/8291\/files\/Demon-Guard-Packaging_b45ae188-bdd2-469e-b344-40ed38b8ad26.jpg?v=1775858171"},{"product_id":"pure-o-oxygyn-capsules","title":"Pure O Oxygyn Capsules","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cmeta charset=\"utf-8\"\u003e\u003cmeta charset=\"utf-8\"\u003eOver 1 million Americans aren’t getting enough pure oxygen, which is a necessary gas for emotional stability and vein health. These Simple Swallow™ capsules are combined with white coal and trace minerals to provide optimal absorption and full mind maximization. Just one Pure O capsule will give you enough oxygen to stop breathing for one hour. So save time and take control of your lungs with Pure O. Order today!\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"The Onion Store","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":44863150227525,"sku":null,"price":39.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0016\/2014\/8291\/files\/Pure-O-Oxygyn-Bottle.png?v=1775858162"},{"product_id":"turn-your-piss-into-gold","title":"Turn Your Piss Into Gold","description":"\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eScientists have unlocked a secret that has been hidden for centuries. Stop pissing away your wealth! Sign up today for a free Appraisal Jug to see if your urine can be turned into pure American Gold! Urine must be at least one week old. Only male urine will be accepted.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"The Onion Store","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":44863152652357,"sku":null,"price":349.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0016\/2014\/8291\/files\/Piss-2-Gold-AD-IG-1080x1350.jpg?v=1775858166"},{"product_id":"turn-your-gold-into-piss","title":"Turn Your Gold Into Piss","description":"\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cmeta charset=\"utf-8\"\u003e\u003cmeta charset=\"utf-8\"\u003eDoes finding a secure place to store your hard earned gold keep you up at night? Big Banks can’t be trusted and urban burglars may strike at any time. That’s why you should turn your gold into piss! It’s the ultimate way to hide gold. Just put your ingots and bars in a bucket, add urine then drop in two our patented tablets. In 24 hours, your gold will be piss! Order now and receive a free storage jug.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"The Onion Store","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":44863154225221,"sku":null,"price":349.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0016\/2014\/8291\/files\/Gold-2-Piss-AD-IG-1080x1350.jpg?v=1775858159"},{"product_id":"learn-to-float","title":"Learn To Float","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cmeta charset=\"utf-8\"\u003e\u003cmeta charset=\"utf-8\"\u003eFloating is an age-old tradition that was practiced by our ancestors for thousands of years until authoritarians wiped it out in favor of obedience and the control system of technocratic overlords. Well now you can learn the ancient practice of floating once again.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eFloating has many benefits, it flushes spirits from your system, resets your mind and deep cleans your organs, just to name a few. Each Learn to Float kit comes with a rope, five rosewood coal briquettes, and an instruction DVD.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"The Onion Store","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":44878528380997,"sku":null,"price":129.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0016\/2014\/8291\/files\/Learn-To-Float-IG-1080x1350.jpg?v=1776295918"},{"product_id":"infowars-elf-t-shirt","title":"InfoWars Elf T-Shirt","description":"\u003cdiv id=\"message-list_1783713483.136919\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv\u003e\n\u003cdiv\u003e\n\u003cdiv\u003e\n\u003cdiv\u003e\n\u003cdiv\u003e\n\u003cdiv\u003e\n\u003cdiv\u003e\n\u003cdiv\u003e\n\u003cdiv\u003e\n\u003cdiv\u003e\n\u003cdiv\u003eShow your support for InfoWars and flagrant contempt for intellectual property law by wearing this shirt ILLEGALLY featuring the InfoWars Elf, an UNOFFICIAL character that has NOT been cleared to appear on merchandise or apparel.\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cbr\u003e• 50% Combed Ring Spun Cotton 50% Polyester 4.4 oz\/sq yd\u003cbr\u003e• Vintage-soft feel\u003cbr\u003e• Pre-shrunk fabric\u003cbr\u003e• Side-seamed construction\u003cbr\u003e• Shoulder-to-shoulder taping\u003cbr\u003e• USA Made\u003cbr\u003e• Vinyl Heat Transfer\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eStarts shipping the week of 8\/3\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cspan class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003eSize Chart can be viewed\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cstrong class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003ca rel=\"noopener\" href=\"https:\/\/store.theonion.com\/pages\/size-chart\" target=\"_blank\"\u003ehere\u003c\/a\u003e.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"The Onion Store","offers":[{"title":"Rainbow \/ White \/ XS","offer_id":45330772459589,"sku":null,"price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Rainbow \/ White \/ S","offer_id":45330772492357,"sku":null,"price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Rainbow \/ White \/ M","offer_id":45330772525125,"sku":null,"price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Rainbow \/ White \/ L","offer_id":45330772557893,"sku":null,"price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Rainbow \/ White \/ XL","offer_id":45330772590661,"sku":null,"price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Rainbow \/ White \/ 2XL","offer_id":45330772623429,"sku":null,"price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Rainbow \/ White \/ 3XL","offer_id":45330772656197,"sku":null,"price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0016\/2014\/8291\/files\/InfowarsElf-Flat.jpg?v=1783715818"},{"product_id":"demon-free-t-shirt","title":"EMERGENCY Demon-Free T-shirt","description":"\u003cdiv id=\"message-list_1783713483.136919\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv\u003eTell that bitch of a ex-wife that a certified demonologist says you are 0% demon with this special edition \"Emergency\" shirt in support of InfoWars. How dare she take your horse? That's your horse, goddammit!\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cbr\u003e• 100% Ring spun Cotton\u003cbr\u003e• Vintage-soft feel\u003cbr\u003e• Pre-shrunk fabric\u003cbr\u003e• Side-seamed construction\u003cbr\u003e• Shoulder-to-shoulder taping\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cspan class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003eSize Chart can be viewed\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cstrong class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003ca href=\"https:\/\/store.theonion.com\/pages\/size-chart\" rel=\"noopener\" target=\"_blank\"\u003ehere\u003c\/a\u003e.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eShips the week of 8\/10!\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"The Onion Store","offers":[{"title":"White \/ S","offer_id":45371921039429,"sku":null,"price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ M","offer_id":45371921072197,"sku":null,"price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ L","offer_id":45371921104965,"sku":null,"price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ XL","offer_id":45371921137733,"sku":null,"price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 2XL","offer_id":45371921170501,"sku":null,"price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 3XL","offer_id":45371921203269,"sku":null,"price":29.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0016\/2014\/8291\/files\/Screenshot2026-07-17at4.02.43PM.png?v=1784324134"},{"product_id":"gay-frog-plush-replica","title":"Gay Frog **PRE-ORDER**","description":"\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThey did turn the frogs gay, and they're fabulous. Now you can have your own gay frog and just do… whatever. \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThis friendly amphibian is a perfect companion to almost every situation. From uptown to downtown, from WeHo to Fire Island, from the boardroom to the bedroom…. \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eEnjoy hours of play and mutual enjoyment with your InfoWars Gay Frog and holographic sticker sheet.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cem\u003e12\" tall when seated, roughly 17\" long laying down\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cb id=\"docs-internal-guid-1e7b379c-7fff-aed3-b971-5d44c8cd563e\"\u003ePRE-ORDER - SHIPS EARLY OCTOBER\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cb\u003e\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eOrders with multiple items will ship together, please place a separate order if you'd like non pre order items at a sooner date.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"The Onion Store","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":45409577107525,"sku":null,"price":50.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0016\/2014\/8291\/files\/InfoWars_Gay_Frog_From_Behind.jpg?v=1785659497"},{"product_id":"memorial-info-wars-mug","title":"Tim Heidecker Memorial InfoWars Mug ** PRE ORDER **","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cmeta charset=\"utf-8\"\u003eInfoWars broadcaster Tim Heidecker (1976-2026) was a lifelong advocate for liquid in all its forms. 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