When will my order
Yes by far this is our most frequent question.
Most orders will ship the same day and arrive within 4-5 business
days (14 days for international orders).
But sometimes someone is out sick and we get behind for a day or
we are backordered on a certain shirt in a certain size.
So check your order status on the Order Status page.
Backorders shouldn’t take more than 14 days, but some rare
imports can take up to a month. It’s
rare, but it happens, and you can blame the Patriot Act, as “Homeland
Security” has a tendency to hold our boxes at the border, or you can
blame our computers for messing up our inventory, or you can blame
Palmer himself, as he should be able to keep everything in stock all the
My Order says
Complete but I never got my order?
If you placed your order in the last couple days, just sit back and
wait for another day or two. If
you had your order sent to your office or work or whatever, ask around.
I can’t count the times someone has tried to steal someone
else’s order at an office building.
I mean really, how frickin’ hard is it for the mail boy to
deliver the mail to someone’s desk? Now if you still can’t find your package or it’s been
more than a week since it shipped (two weeks for international orders),
then give us an email as it might have been returned to us as
undeliverable, or lost in the mail.
We’ll be happy to take care of it and make everything nice and
I have a shirt
idea, can I send it to you, and will you give me thousands of dollars
Yes and No. We love to
get ideas, but there are some legal issues you should know about.
We legally can use most ideas without paying you anything.
Unless it’s a trademarked phrase, or a copyrighted image then
you own it. Actually, we can’t use any image without permission etc..
And more than likely we’ve already heard, or seen your idea
before. But we’re always
looking, and if you are a professional graphic designer we’re always
hiring. So we encourage you
to send us a sample of your work and any designs you would like us to
consider. As we like to
hire a variety of designers, to get a variety of styles.
Where is the
coolest place you’ve sent an order to?
Well, that would have to be The Onion Headquarters.
Do your shirts run
small or large?
Our shirts run small compared to your everyday Hanes or Fruit of The
Loom t-shirt you see everywhere else. Think of them as more of a
European/Vintage size. They come from a variety of manufacturers, but
they all are cut almost the same so a large will be basically the same
throughout the shirts we sell.
Are the Girl
shirts regular tees or baby doll tees?
Our women’s tees are more of a youthful fit.
That means they are meant to be tight or form fitting.
They are also shorter than the mens/unisex tees we carry.
So if you want a girly tee get the women’s style shirt. If you want a more traditional, looser traditional tee get
the men’s style.
Can I exchange a
Yes visit our Exchange Page here.
Can I pay by
No, all orders have to be placed online, but it’s secure and safe,
we guarantee it!
Do you have a
Not at this time but maybe by Christmas.
Can I change my
order after it’s placed?
Maybe? I know, I know.
But that is the best I can offer. If you would like to change the sizes
on your order or exchange the shirt for another of the same price then
yes. Contact us through the
order status page and write “Change Order” in the subject line.
Orders are printed and shipped out fairly quickly so if we see
your request before it gets packed then you’re likely to get it
changed. But if you wait a day then you’re going to have to exchange
it, but that’s not a big deal. If
your order status is “Backordered” Then more than likely yes your
order can be changed. We
just can’t add shirts to orders or take them off as our warehouse is
not set up to deal with charging and refunding money.
I placed an order
and now I don’t want it because my sister says The Onion is lame.
First tell your sister she's lame.
Then when the order comes write, “Refused, Return to Sender”
on the package and stick it in a mail drop.
The mailman will bring it back to us and we’ll refund your
money, yes all of it including shipping. We shouldn’t be so nice should we?