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FAQs


When will my order arrive?
Yes by far this is our most frequent question.  Most orders will ship the same day and arrive within 4-5 business days (14 days for international orders).  But sometimes someone is out sick and we get behind for a day or we are backordered on a certain shirt in a certain size.  So check your order status on the Order Status page.  Backorders shouldn’t take more than 14 days, but some rare imports can take up to a month.  It’s rare, but it happens, and you can blame the Patriot Act, as “Homeland Security” has a tendency to hold our boxes at the border, or you can blame our computers for messing up our inventory, or you can blame Palmer himself, as he should be able to keep everything in stock all the time.

My Order says Complete but I never got my order?
If you placed your order in the last couple days, just sit back and wait for another day or two.  If you had your order sent to your office or work or whatever, ask around.  I can’t count the times someone has tried to steal someone else’s order at an office building.  I mean really, how frickin’ hard is it for the mail boy to deliver the mail to someone’s desk?  Now if you still can’t find your package or it’s been more than a week since it shipped (two weeks for international orders), then give us an email as it might have been returned to us as undeliverable, or lost in the mail.  We’ll be happy to take care of it and make everything nice and good again…

I have a shirt idea, can I send it to you, and will you give me thousands of dollars for it?
Yes and No.  We love to get ideas, but there are some legal issues you should know about.  We legally can use most ideas without paying you anything.  Unless it’s a trademarked phrase, or a copyrighted image then you own it.  Actually, we can’t use any image without permission etc..  And more than likely we’ve already heard, or seen your idea before.  But we’re always looking, and if you are a professional graphic designer we’re always hiring.  So we encourage you to send us a sample of your work and any designs you would like us to consider.  As we like to hire a variety of designers, to get a variety of styles.


Where is the coolest place you’ve sent an order to?
Well, that would have to be The Onion Headquarters.


Do your shirts run small or large?
Our shirts run small compared to your everyday Hanes or Fruit of The Loom t-shirt you see everywhere else. Think of them as more of a European/Vintage size. They come from a variety of manufacturers, but they all are cut almost the same so a large will be basically the same throughout the shirts we sell.


Are the Girl shirts regular tees or baby doll tees?
Our women’s tees are more of a youthful fit.  That means they are meant to be tight or form fitting.  They are also shorter than the mens/unisex tees we carry.  So if you want a girly tee get the women’s style shirt.  If you want a more traditional, looser traditional tee get the men’s style.


Can I exchange a shirt?
Yes visit our Exchange Page here.


Can I pay by Check/Money Order?
No, all orders have to be placed online, but it’s secure and safe, we guarantee it!


Do you have a catalog?
Not at this time but maybe by Christmas.


Can I change my order after it’s placed?
Maybe?  I know, I know. But that is the best I can offer. If you would like to change the sizes on your order or exchange the shirt for another of the same price then yes.  Contact us through the order status page and write “Change Order” in the subject line.  Orders are printed and shipped out fairly quickly so if we see your request before it gets packed then you’re likely to get it changed. But if you wait a day then you’re going to have to exchange it, but that’s not a big deal.  If your order status is “Backordered” Then more than likely yes your order can be changed.  We just can’t add shirts to orders or take them off as our warehouse is not set up to deal with charging and refunding money.

I placed an order and now I don’t want it because my sister says The Onion is lame.
First tell your sister she's lame.  Then when the order comes write, “Refused, Return to Sender” on the package and stick it in a mail drop.  The mailman will bring it back to us and we’ll refund your money, yes all of it including shipping.  We shouldn’t be so nice should we?