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Books & Calendars

NEW! Inventory: by the writers of the AV Club $18.00 $15.00
NEW!! Our Front Pages - Hardcover, with FREE Poster! $28.00 $24.50
Onion Desk Calendar: The Workplace (rotating months) $12.65

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Onion Wall Calendar: College (rotating months) - NEW! $13.99

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Onion Desk Calendar: Animals (rotating months) $12.65

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Information Downturn: 2010 Page-A-Day Calendar $13.99
Our Dumb World / Our Dumb Century Book Combo $34.94 $29.95
Our Dumb World: Atlas Of The Planet Earth (Hardcover) $27.99
Premium Collector's Set $87.79 $74.00
Our Dumb World
(Paperback) $17.99
Our Dumb Century (Paperback) $16.95
Homeland Insecurity $18.95
Embedded In America $16.95
Dispatches From The Tenth Circle $16.95
Tenacity Of The Cockroach $16.00
Our Dumb World
Audio Book $19.99

Men's T-shirts

Good Day To Go Sailing, If You're a Dick $16.99

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Jesus Is My Health Insurance $16.99

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Area Man Tee $16.99

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I Appreciate The Muppets On A Much Deeper Level Than You $16.99

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Kitten Thinks Of Nothing But Murder All Day $16.99

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AV Club: 0 Reasonable Discussions Are Occuring - NEW!! $16.99

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Che Wearing Che T-shirt T-shirt $16.99

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The Sports Team From My Area Is Superior To... $16.99

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Onion Sports: 'I'm Qualified to Make Uninformed GM Decisions' $16.99

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Come On, Lighten Up, I'm Just Being A Total Asshole - NEW!! $16.99

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Get Il $16.99

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Onion Newsbox Tee $16.99

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I Just Love Corporations! - NEW!! $16.99

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When I Die, I Am Going To Haunt The Fuck Out Of You People $16.99

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Your Favorite Band Sucks $16.99

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I'm Like A Chocoholic But For Booze $16.99

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Stereotypes Are A Real Time-Saver $16.99

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Onion Sports: Watch Sports Like a Champion Today $16.99

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Are Your Cats Old Enough To Learn About Jesus? $16.99

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I Enjoy Drinking Beer $16.99

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Onion Sports : Recliner Logo - NEW!! $16.99

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Yu Wan Mei 'Fish Time is Success Time' Tee $16.99

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Onion Dingbat Tee $16.99

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Onion - America's Finest News Source and Salvage Fishery Tee $16.99 $10.99

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AV Club: Firsties! $16.99 $9.99

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Onion Tee - Black $16.99

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You Are Dumb $16.99

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Classic Onion Tee $16.99

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Onion 3/4-Sleeve Baseball Tee $16.99

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Department of Labor Spends $40 Billion To Create One Amazing New Job $16.99

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Owls Are Assholes $16.99

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Report: 90% Of Waking Hours Spent Staring At Glowing Rectangles $16.99

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A.V. Club Tee $16.99

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I'd Rather Be Complaining $16.99

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I Wish Somebody Would Do Something About How Fat I Am $16.99

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My Friend Went to Thailand and All I Got Was This Lousy Prostitute $16.99 $9.99

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AV Club: I Hate Firsties $16.99 $9.99

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I'm Getting Pretty Good At Masturbating - S, XL, and XXL only! $16.99

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I Think We Should Start Talking About Starting A Band - SM and XXL only $16.99 $8.99

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My Vote Cancels Out Y'Alls - S and XXL only! $16.99 $8.99

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Herbert Kornfeld Commemorative Tee - S, M, and XXL only! $16.99 $8.99

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Horses Deserve Better $16.99 $8.99

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Women's T-shirts

I Just Love Corporations! - Ladies - NEW!! $16.99

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AV Club: 0 Reasonable Discussions Are Occuring - Ladies - NEW!! $16.99

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A.V. Club Tee - Ladies $16.99

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Che Wearing Che T-shirt T-shirt - Ladies $16.99

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Area Woman $16.99

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Kitten Thinks Of Nothing But Murder All Day - Ladies $16.99

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I'm Like A Chocoholic But For Booze - Ladies $16.99

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NEW! Yu Wan Mei 'Fish Time is Success Time' Ladies Tee $16.99

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Classic Green Onion Tee - Ladies $16.99 $12.99

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Onion Black Tee - Ladies $16.99

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3/4-Sleeve Onion Baseball Tee - Ladies $16.99

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NEW! 'Stereotypes Are A Real Time-Saver' - Ladies $16.99

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Owls Are Assholes - Ladies $16.99 $14.99

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Your Favorite Band Sucks - Ladies $16.99

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Are Your Cats Old Enough To Learn About Jesus? - Ladies $16.99

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I Wish Somebody Would Do Something About How Fat I Am - Ladies $16.99 $9.99

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Jesus Is My Health Insurance - Ladies $16.99

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I'm Getting Pretty Good At Masturbating - Ladies $16.99 $10.99

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Baby T-shirts

Area Baby Tee $15.99

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I'd Rather Be Complaining $15.99

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I Ruined A Perfectly Good Band $15.99

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This Daycare Is A Fucking Joke $15.99

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I Appreciate The Muppets On A Much Deeper Level Than You $15.99

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I Support My Parents' Political Beliefs $15.99

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Onion Tee $15.99

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Your Favorite Band Sucks - Baby $15.99 $9.99

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Bags & Apparel

'Sometimes I Feel Like I'm The Only One Trying To Gentrify This Neighborhood' Doormat $24.99
Onion Baseball Cap: Black $17.99 $16.50
Onion Logo Tote $7.50 $6.49
'Stop Staring At My Tote' Tote (Black) $7.50

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Onion Eco-Fleece Zip Hoodie - NEW!! $46.00

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Onion Zippered Hoodie $39.99

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Onion Umbrella 48" $24.99 $16.99
Onion Baseball Cap: Green $18.99
A.V. Club Canvas Tote $7.50 $6.50
Cheat-To-Win Bracelet: 5-Pack $14.95

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'Horses Deserve Better' Tote $7.50 $4.50

Historic Onion Front Pages

FIRST EVER ONION COVER - Mendota Monster Mauls Madison (1988) - NEW!! $42.99

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Beer! It Kicks Ass! (1994) - NEW!! $42.99
Bush Hands Over U.S. To Native Americans (1992) $42.99
Gaywads, Dorkwads Sign Historic Wad Accord (1999) NEW!! $42.99
U.S. Holds Going-Out-Of-Business Sale (2006) - NEW!! $42.99
Shirtless Biden Washes Trans-Am In White House Driveway (2009) $42.99

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"China Strong" (2009) $42.99

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Holy Shit Man Walks On Fucking Moon (1969) $42.99

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Obama Wins! Black Man Given Nation's Worst Job (2008) $42.99

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Mr. T Releases 'Pity List '86' (1986) $42.99

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Gore Places Infant Son In Rocket To Escape Dying Planet (2008) $42.99

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Kennedy Slain By CIA, Mafia, Castro, LBJ, Freemasons (1962) $42.99

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Whites Invent 'Rock And Roll' (1955) $42.99

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WA– (1939) $42.99

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Nation Wowed By Tremendous Hindenburg Explosion (1937) $42.99

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Drugs Win Drug War (1998) $42.99

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World's Largest Metaphor
Hits Ice-Berg (1912) $42.99

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Posters & Maps

Commemorative Poster - Our Front Pages: 21 Years of Headlines $11.99 $8.50
Our Dumb World Map: USA - NEW!! $79.00

Framed Desktop Headlines

Cards & Decoy Gift Boxes

Halloween Greeting Cards - Set of 10 - NEW!! $12.50 $8.99
Decoy Gift Boxes: Set Of 4 $31.96 $22.99
Headline Greeting Cards - Assorted Blank - NEW!! $12.50
Kleen•Stride Personal Debris-Removal System Gift Box $7.99
iFeast Pet-Feeding & MP3 Docking Station Gift Box $7.99
Visorganizer Gift Box $7.99
USB Powered Toaster
Gift Box $7.99
O Little Town Of Bethlehem...
Holiday Card Set $12.99 $8.99
Wrapping Paper: Historic Onion Front-Pages $4.99 $2.99
Deer Santa...
Don't Come Back
Holiday Card Set $12.99
Our Dumb World
Greeting Cards Set $12.99 $9.50
Wrapping Paper: Onion Front-pages $4.99 $2.99
Ho. Ho. Ho. I Saw You Masturbating
Holiday Card Set $12.99
He Is Real, Yo
Holiday Card Set $12.99
Merry Second-To-Last Christmas
Holiday Card Set $12.99
Don't Forget The F----ing Cookies
Holiday Card Set $12.99

Drinkware

The Onion Cocktail Mixing Glass $19.99

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'I Enjoy Drinking Beer' Pint Set $19.99

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'You Are Dumb' Mug $7.99
'I Hate Whatever Today Is' Mug - NEW!! $7.99
'I Wish I Were Dead' Mug $7.99
'Fuck Off, I'm Reading The Onion' Mug $7.99
'Horses Deserve Better' Mug $7.99
'Fill This, Intern' Mug - NEW!! $7.99
'I Often Make Light Of My Chemical Dependence On Caffeine' Mug $7.99
'I Enjoy Colombia's Second-Finest Export' Mug $7.99
'My Other Water Bottle Is 50,000 Styrofoam Cups' Stainless Steel Water Bottle $16.59
Beer Lover Gift Pack $46.96 $42.00
'I Will Never Take This Camping' Water Bottle $14.99
'I Love Commuting'
Executive Premium Travel Mug $16.89
Set of 6 Mugs $47.94 $40.00
Our Dumb Century Hi-Ball Glass Set $20.99
'Area Pet' Pet Bowl - NEW!! $22.99
'Who Are You To Judge Me?' Pint Set $19.99 $16.79

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AV Club Pint Glass Set $19.99

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Magnets & Stickers

'Free Thinking Cat Shits Outside The Box' Magnet $4.99
5-pack Onion Stickers $5.25
Laptop Skin Decal - Onion Tech Headlines - NEW!! $12.59

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Make-Your-Own Onion Headlines Magnet Kit $8.75
'Sometimes I Feel Like I'm The Only One Trying To Gentrify This Neighborhood' Doormat $24.99
'Heroic Pit Bull Journeys 2,000 Miles To Attack Owner' Magnet $4.99
'War On String May Be Unwinnable, Says
Cat General' Magnet $4.99
'Black Guy Asks Nation For Change' Magnet $4.99
'I Expensed This' Mouse Pad - NEW!! $5.99 $3.99
'IPhone Pic of IPhone' Magnet $4.99
'Study: Alligators Dangerous No Matter How Drunk You Are' Magnet $4.99
'Kitten Thinks Of Nothing But Murder All Day' Magnet $4.99
'Overenthusiastic Referee On Game-Winning Field Goal: "It's Great!"' Magnet $4.99
'Bob Marley Rises From Grave To Free Frat Boys From Bonds Of Oppression' Magnet $4.99
'National Funk Congress Deadlocked On Get Up/Get Down Issue' Magnet $4.99
Onion Oval 'Euro' Sticker $1.99

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'God Answers Prayers Of Paralyzed Little Boy' Magnet $4.99
'37 Record-Store Clerks Feared Dead In Yo La Tengo Concert Disaster' Magnet $4.99
'Al Gore Places Infant Son In Rocket To Escape Dying Planet' Magnet $4.99
'NFL Discontinues 'Take Your Daughter To Work Day'' Magnet $4.99
'Search For Self Called Off After 38 Years' Magnet $4.99
'Chicago's Shedd Aquarium Admits Panda Exhibit A Ghastly Mistake' Magnet $4.99
'Dog Breeders Issue Massive Recall Of '07 Pugs' Magnet $4.99
'Funyuns Still Outselling Responsibilityuns' Magnet $4.99
'My Vote Cancels Out Y'Alls' Bumper Sticker $4.99

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The Jim Anchower Signature-Series Car Air Freshener $4.99
'No Trans-Fatties' Bumper Sticker $4.99

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Onion Bumper Sticker $1.99

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Onion Static-Cling Sticker $1.50

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Onion Radio News Microphone